Thursday, March 10, 2011

Baby Paraphernalia

If you're a parent, or even if you've seen parents out in public, then you know that little bundles of joy come with giant bundles of STUFF. Between diaper bags, blankets, carriers, toys, etc., sometime I feel like we need a sherpa or maybe a small burro just for grocery trips. And yes, I just equated a human being with a pack animal. I don't know sherpas, maybe you stop being so dang good at carrying crap up mountains, and I'll stop thinking of you as really smart donkeys with families, hopes, and dreams. Well at least they give you a cart at the grocery store.

What's almost worse then the stuff you need is the stuff THE MAN tries to convince you that you need. Yeah, Fisher-Price, Playskool, and Mattel are all part of the evil establishment. The only truly pure soul in the children's industry is Raffi, and he's a bloody weirdo. The other day, Junior Associate Davis was really enjoying kicking her feet at the floor and putting some of weight on her legs. So we thought we'd get one of those doorway jumper things for her to play in. But what came up in our search for a perfectly reasonable toy? Monstrosities!

I mean look at this crap. The starship Baby-prise over here on the right is out of a North Korean interrogation center. The baby in the picture is clearly photoshoped in. I can tell by some of the pixels and the fact that she's not having a grand mal seizure. And the manufacturer is "Kolcraft." Maybe these guys are legit, but that sure sounds like a front for some weird Polish terror organization.

And I'm not even going to get into the major problem with this thing on the left. Draw your own conclusions. Trust me, I know exactly what you're thinking: "Hey, that baby's riding a cool plastic tauntaun!" And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Altar Ego

I wasn't sure I was even going to post about this, but I've gotten so many nice compliments over the last few weeks that I guess I should. Back in January, my Mom brought me a stack of old wood from her barn up in Denton. And it just so happened that the Mahan Commons at St. Alban's was in need of a new altar for evening services. So I got out the sander, chop saw, and drill press, swapped some manure stains for Minwax wood stain, and voilà, new altar. I thought it turned out pretty good, and the folks at St. A's seem to agree. It even made the March 2011 Epistle newsletter (see page 5). Here are a few pics for your viewing pleasure (including the "before" stack of wood, the altar in action, the cool workbench I made out of the leftover lumber, and a gratuitous picture of my little shop assistant).




Thursday, February 24, 2011

Funny Internets To Go: Volume 1

Jesse is a master sharer on Google Reader - he finds hundreds of funny internet videos, pictures, blogs, etc. every week, which everyone should see - however, for those short on time/looking for the condensed, "to go" version, look no further. Here are my top 5 picks of Jesse's picks from this week:

5. Office Language Translator


4. The Tastiest Valentine

3. Catzilla

2. 18th Century D-bag

1. A dentist's unhealthy relationship with teeth


Enjoy!

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Baby Talk Meets SMS Language

As a new parent in the digital age, I will occasionally search online for answers to baby questions, most of which I never thought I would ever type into the google search bar (i.e. colors of poop, symptoms of teething, maple syrup urine disease, etc.).

The majority of the returns are articles or "mom comments" - the latter being where I stumbled across mom sms language. And what makes mom sms different from the typical lol, omg, fyi, tbd, or wtf? Look on any comment section of a parenting advice article and you will find acronyms like lo, dh, and mm - thank goodness Jesse found this acronym decoder on babycenter.com. Although, I wish I did not know now the meanings behind ewcm, poas, or bd. DISTURBING.

Jesse literally threw his hands up in frustration at these ridiculous acronyms - seriously, who has time to decode these/make these up? Who are these moms trolling the internet, leaving TMI comments? What's wrong with saying my child or my husband? I have come to accept that SMS Language is here for the now - however, whether it is destined for permanency or "a fad, destined for the linguistic garbage heap in a matter of a few years" is still TBD.

In the mean time, I am proposing a few new acronyms for txtspk:

YAARP: you are a ridiculous person
SUSA: stop using stupid acronyms
GOTIATYBTSP: get off the internet and teach your baby to speak properly

I'm sure I am leaving some off the list...

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Let's Go Supreme, With a Blog Post

After a long hiatus (read: having a baby) and a subtle hint I received in a birthday card - I'm baaaaack!! It is truly a wonder how you view the world completely differently with a baby - Jesse and I feel truly blessed, and we are excited to share each new day/discovery/experience with Baby Victoria. However, there is also humor to be found in this new life purpose called parenthood.

For example, dog tags clinking together never sounded so loud before (especially right after you put baby down for a nap - seriously, it's like everything goes into slow motion - the dogs get up and shake their heads and I'm getting up frantically saying/scream whispering "NOOOOOOO!!!!" ), babies expel gas from both ends at extreme volumes (and you find yourself enthusiastically applauding both, or getting a fit of the giggles in the wee hours of the morning), and specifically related to our baby - the leg thump. When she gets excited about anything, she starts thumping her leg with the enthusiasm of a jug band member.

Also, I am always thinking about the baby, so pretty much anything I see relates back to her in some way...it's like a new version of the game 8 Degrees of Separation, which I'm sure is annoying to others, but provides me with hours of new entertainment. Here are some of my current favs:

1. Everytime baby eats, "let's go supreme" - the first part is the best:



3. The answer to most of my questions to her - from Hot Fuzz:



And now, baby calls and I must away!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

SFW: Epic Parking Fail

The latest Scene from Waco is almost too much to believe. Behold, the worst parking job I have ever seen, executed/attempted by  a DirectTV rep near the Books-A-Million on Highway 6. He's not even facing the right direction! And why did he just leave it there? No tow truck handy?

photo by Diana Davis, master iPhoner