Thursday, June 25, 2009

North Korea Smash

Dear North Korea,

A few key points to keep in mind as you continue to threaten the United States with total nuclear annihilation:

1. Gathering in a prearranged mass "shouting 'Let's smash!' in unison while punching clenched fists in the air" is not intimidating - it's ridiculous. I know that due to U.N. sanctions, you may not have access to the best educational resources, but the U.S. is larger than the 5 inches you see on a map.

2. "A placard showed hands crushing a missile with 'U.S.' written on it." OK, whoa. Clearly this is a lose lose situation...but if you want to try your hand (yuck yuck) at punching some armed U.S. missiles...

Also, if your fists are supposed to represent the total destruction of Godzilla, you might want to rethink your strategy...Godzilla might have been able to smash those Italians, but who didn't back in the day? Also, Nintendo is totally ahead of you with a smash product line - in fact, we may have to sanction you for copyright infringement. Muwhahaha...where's your fist now?

3. Now, if you are talking Jesse Davis smash style, then we should be quivering in fear.

4. A leader is the voice and face of the nation:


Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Appalachia, cough, Argentina

Oh how the mighty Marky Marks of Republicans have fallen...but did you have to be so stupid about it? Really? The Appalachian Trail? Your staff couldn't have said out of the country? On vacation at an undisclosed location? Who thought saying Appalachian Trail was a good cover? Seriously. Also, what up with your press conference? Way to set a sinking ship on fire.

Randomness this madness brought to mind:

Also, on the National Parks website for the Appalachian Trail, they describe it as:

The People's Path and America's First National Scenic Trail

"The body of the Trail is provided by the lands it traverses, and its soul is in the living stewardship of the volunteers and workers of the Appalachian Trail community."

-from the Appalachian Trail Management Principles and the A.T. Comprehensive Plan

Do wha? Inappropriate NPS!

Friday, June 12, 2009

Rockin' the 'raq

This week Stephen Colbert, sponsored by the USO, took his show to Iraq and I agree with Matt Lauer - although, an understatement - "now, that's good television." It was an amazing show - a classy salute to the troops, great interviews with the military and Iraqi government officials, and hilarious pre-taped bits that made me fall off my seat laughing. Please find the links to the full episodes below, support the troops, and enjoy (they get better and better each day)!

Stephen Colbert's sign off on Thursday:

"I want to thank the troops here and around the world - I am rarely at a loss for words, but when I think of all you've sacrificed for your country these past six years, it really seems insufficient to say 'thank you' and really inappropriate to say 'holy sh*t.' So, I'll just say what I hope you will all be able to say soon - 'Honey, I'm coming home.'"

Monday: The Hair

Tuesday: Boot Camp

Wednesday: Tom Hanks

Thursday: Thunderbirds and the Hokie Pokie

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Don't Tase Me Bro...or My Granny

First of all, I highly recommend The Hangover - Jesse, Michelle, and I saw last Friday and it was hilarious. I was afraid with all the movie promotions/advertisements that the trailers would spoil the movie, but thankfully no, it was still preserved in pure gloriousness...and yes, that's probably somewhere on the scale of preservation between prehistoric ice and formaldehyde. Also, there is a stellar taser scene...which, made me laugh inappropriately when I saw this video on the Today Show this morning:

Oh, Taser memories:

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Government Auto Matchmaker?

Government matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match...As we enter the month of June, the government seems to be busy shotgun marrying American auto makers to foreign companies and tax payers' wallets. The eloquently highlights GM's recent engagement bliss in the article titled, "GM Collapses Into Government's Arms." As an unwilling investor in this matrimonial scheme, I am uneasy - seems like GM is just in it for the money...Let's hope for a quick divorce (well, let's hope for an annulment). Or should we hope for a partnership of the caliber of the Blades of Glory Fire and Ice routine?

So, is GM registering at Bed Bath and Beyond?