Thursday, March 10, 2011

Baby Paraphernalia

If you're a parent, or even if you've seen parents out in public, then you know that little bundles of joy come with giant bundles of STUFF. Between diaper bags, blankets, carriers, toys, etc., sometime I feel like we need a sherpa or maybe a small burro just for grocery trips. And yes, I just equated a human being with a pack animal. I don't know sherpas, maybe you stop being so dang good at carrying crap up mountains, and I'll stop thinking of you as really smart donkeys with families, hopes, and dreams. Well at least they give you a cart at the grocery store.

What's almost worse then the stuff you need is the stuff THE MAN tries to convince you that you need. Yeah, Fisher-Price, Playskool, and Mattel are all part of the evil establishment. The only truly pure soul in the children's industry is Raffi, and he's a bloody weirdo. The other day, Junior Associate Davis was really enjoying kicking her feet at the floor and putting some of weight on her legs. So we thought we'd get one of those doorway jumper things for her to play in. But what came up in our search for a perfectly reasonable toy? Monstrosities!

I mean look at this crap. The starship Baby-prise over here on the right is out of a North Korean interrogation center. The baby in the picture is clearly photoshoped in. I can tell by some of the pixels and the fact that she's not having a grand mal seizure. And the manufacturer is "Kolcraft." Maybe these guys are legit, but that sure sounds like a front for some weird Polish terror organization.

And I'm not even going to get into the major problem with this thing on the left. Draw your own conclusions. Trust me, I know exactly what you're thinking: "Hey, that baby's riding a cool plastic tauntaun!" And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!

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