The Davis Firm

Baby Paraphernalia

2011-03-10T08:45:00.000-06:00

If you're a parent, or even if you've seen parents out in public, then you know that little bundles of joy come with giant bundles of STUFF. Between diaper bags, blankets, carriers, toys, etc., sometime I feel like we need a sherpa or maybe a small burro just for grocery trips. And yes, I just equated a human being with a pack animal. I don't know sherpas, maybe you stop being so dang good at carrying crap up mountains, and I'll stop thinking of you as really smart donkeys with families, hopes, and dreams. Well at least they give you a cart at the grocery store.

What's almost worse then the stuff you need is the stuff THE MAN tries to convince you that you need. Yeah, Fisher-Price, Playskool, and Mattel are all part of the evil establishment. The only truly pure soul in the children's industry is Raffi, and he's a bloody weirdo. The other day, Junior Associate Davis was really enjoying kicking her feet at the floor and putting some of weight on her legs. So we thought we'd get one of those doorway jumper things for her to play in. But what came up in our search for a perfectly reasonable toy? Monstrosities!

I mean look at this crap. The starship Baby-prise over here on the right is out of a North Korean interrogation center. The baby in the picture is clearly photoshoped in. I can tell by some of the pixels and the fact that she's not having a grand mal seizure. And the manufacturer is "Kolcraft." Maybe these guys are legit, but that sure sounds like a front for some weird Polish terror organization.

And I'm not even going to get into the major problem with this thing on the left. Draw your own conclusions. Trust me, I know exactly what you're thinking: "Hey, that baby's riding a cool plastic tauntaun!" And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!

Altar Ego

2011-03-08T23:22:00.001-06:00

I wasn't sure I was even going to post about this, but I've gotten so many nice compliments over the last few weeks that I guess I should. Back in January, my Mom brought me a stack of old wood from her barn up in Denton. And it just so happened that the Mahan Commons at St. Alban's was in need of a new altar for evening services. So I got out the sander, chop saw, and drill press, swapped some manure stains for Minwax wood stain, and voilà, new altar. I thought it turned out pretty good, and the folks at St. A's seem to agree. It even made the March 2011 Epistle newsletter (see page 5). Here are a few pics for your viewing pleasure (including the "before" stack of wood, the altar in action, the cool workbench I made out of the leftover lumber, and a gratuitous picture of my little shop assistant).

Funnies To Go: Go Paula Deen

2011-03-05T20:59:00.003-06:00

5. Get Chased By Zombies in Google Street View

4. Dictating a Change in Power

3. Iron Man's Best Friend

2. It wasn't me

1. Yee-haw, y'all!

Funny Internets To Go: Volume 1

2011-02-24T11:44:00.004-06:00

Jesse is a master sharer on Google Reader - he finds hundreds of funny internet videos, pictures, blogs, etc. every week, which everyone should see - however, for those short on time/looking for the condensed, "to go" version, look no further. Here are my top 5 picks of Jesse's picks from this week:

5. Office Language Translator

4. The Tastiest Valentine

3. Catzilla

2. 18th Century D-bag

1. A dentist's unhealthy relationship with teeth

Enjoy!

Baby Talk Meets SMS Language

2011-02-19T19:28:00.009-06:00

As a new parent in the digital age, I will occasionally search online for answers to baby questions, most of which I never thought I would ever type into the google search bar (i.e. colors of poop, symptoms of teething, maple syrup urine disease, etc.).

The majority of the returns are articles or "mom comments" - the latter being where I stumbled across mom sms language. And what makes mom sms different from the typical lol, omg, fyi, tbd, or wtf? Look on any comment section of a parenting advice article and you will find acronyms like lo, dh, and mm - thank goodness Jesse found this acronym decoder on babycenter.com. Although, I wish I did not know now the meanings behind ewcm, poas, or bd. DISTURBING.

Jesse literally threw his hands up in frustration at these ridiculous acronyms - seriously, who has time to decode these/make these up? Who are these moms trolling the internet, leaving TMI comments? What's wrong with saying my child or my husband? I have come to accept that SMS Language is here for the now - however, whether it is destined for permanency or "a fad, destined for the linguistic garbage heap in a matter of a few years" is still TBD.

In the mean time, I am proposing a few new acronyms for txtspk:

YAARP: you are a ridiculous person

SUSA: stop using stupid acronyms

GOTIATYBTSP: get off the internet and teach your baby to speak properly

I'm sure I am leaving some off the list...

Let's Go Supreme, With a Blog Post

2010-12-02T15:30:00.005-06:00

After a long hiatus (read: having a baby) and a subtle hint I received in a birthday card - I'm baaaaack!! It is truly a wonder how you view the world completely differently with a baby - Jesse and I feel truly blessed, and we are excited to share each new day/discovery/experience with Baby Victoria. However, there is also humor to be found in this new life purpose called parenthood.

For example, dog tags clinking together never sounded so loud before (especially right after you put baby down for a nap - seriously, it's like everything goes into slow motion - the dogs get up and shake their heads and I'm getting up frantically saying/scream whispering "NOOOOOOO!!!!" ), babies expel gas from both ends at extreme volumes (and you find yourself enthusiastically applauding both, or getting a fit of the giggles in the wee hours of the morning), and specifically related to our baby - the leg thump. When she gets excited about anything, she starts thumping her leg with the enthusiasm of a jug band member.

Also, I am always thinking about the baby, so pretty much anything I see relates back to her in some way...it's like a new version of the game 8 Degrees of Separation, which I'm sure is annoying to others, but provides me with hours of new entertainment. Here are some of my current favs:

1. Everytime baby eats, "let's go supreme" - the first part is the best:

2. Baby just started her Vitamin D supplement

3. The answer to most of my questions to her - from Hot Fuzz:

And now, baby calls and I must away!

SFW: Epic Parking Fail

2010-11-14T19:48:00.000-06:00

The latest Scene from Waco is almost too much to believe. Behold, the worst parking job I have ever seen, executed/attempted by a DirectTV rep near the Books-A-Million on Highway 6. He's not even facing the right direction! And why did he just leave it there? No tow truck handy?

photo by Diana Davis, master iPhoner

Whore-o-Ween 2010: Something Slutty This Way Comes

2010-10-25T12:35:00.002-05:00

Halloween. That magical, mysterious time of year when carved gourds become acceptable home decor instead of a sign of dementia. When staid church elders erect miniature tombstones and life-size devils on their lawns. When it suddenly becomes OK to take candy from strangers--and if they don't give you any, to vandalize their houses. And when shy young maidens decide "Hey, if it's just a costume, it doesn't matter that I look like a streetwalker." You know we have a problem in society when Lady Gaga is a top costume pick for a night of "innocent fun." Innocent my Aunt Fanny. Seriously, take a look at some of the offerings found at our local Target.

First we have a slutty devil. That's to be expected. If costumes are going to get slutty, then we have to assume that the devil is going to be the first pin to fall.

Next, a "flirty" maid and nurse. Also to be expected, as women in these professions are well known harlots. Especially if they tend to elderly, wealthy, recluse "clients." I mean, this is such an engrained part of Western culture that every fake porn title in sitcoms is "Naughty Night Nurses 9," and even Disney's Beauty and the Beast had a slutty French maid character.

Now things start to get weird. "Red Hot Riding Hood?" Are people not realizing the wrongness of this situation? What is OK about making this already freaky Grimm fairytale in an "adult" scenario? "Oh no, I'm a lost little girl on my way to Grandma's house. Are you the strong, handsome woodsman, or the naughty brute who ate my grandmother?" NOT COOL.

Sexy Firefighter. When I was growing up, there no such thing as a "Firefighter," only Firemen. Not the Ray Bradbury kind, but the badass kind that run headlong into the burning danger we all run away from and take it down. Why do we need slutty cartoonesque firefighter ladies? And who finds these sorts of things attractive? "Oh baby, you're so provocative in your outfit from a traditionally male dominated profession. This role reversal has got me all worked up."

This abomination is brought to you by the letters T[ramp], W[hore], and the number $. Nothing. Is OK. With this Costume. I hope the ghost of Jim Henson haunts whoever came up with this nightly. ("Hi-ho, Jim the Ghost here.") Also, that his heirs slash their tires for selling out so atrociously. I thought the "Sesame Babies" diapers were bad. Slutty Big Bird is just so much worse.

Young ladies, a word of caution--everyone is judging you. Sometimes, because we find it comical that you miss the irony in being dressed like a sexy angel to attend your youth group party. Sometimes, because we're just embarrassed for you. But sometimes because you're applying for a job which requires discretion and good personal judgment, and your Facebook page tells us you don't know what those words mean. Keep this in mind as you select a costume this year.

Junior Associate Davis Settles In; Focuses Practice on Nursing, Defecation

2010-10-09T10:47:00.002-05:00

As most loyal readers know already, Junior Associate Victoria Margaret Davis officially joined the Davis Firm on September 19, 2010. At present she is handling a light caseload to allow time for her extensive pro bono work. Her current projects include learning to sleep through the night, feeding without spitting up, and diaper spoliation.

"We couldn't be happier to have Victoria on the team," said founding partner Jesse Davis, "What she lacks in experience she more than makes up for in cuteness, hopeful potential, and innocent wonderment. We're confident she'll grow and prosper here at the Davis Firm."

When first reached for comment, managing partner Diana Davis said, "Why are you fooling around on the internet? This baby needs changing, Davis!" She later opined that the new addition was wonderful, and a source of endless joy for all concerned.

Rather than distributing the traditional cigars to mark the occasion, the Davis Firm has released its first-ever commemorative beer: "Victoria's Birthday." This special brew is patterned after brown ales popular during the reign of Queen Victoria. It was concocted right here at firm headquarters with help from brewmeister Justin T.

(more pictures available on Facebook--email us for a link)

Genius Transportation Service

2010-09-18T10:10:00.002-05:00

So I've got this new idea for a business. Basically, I'll be like a cabbie or limo driver, but I'll exclusively drive the leading public thinkers of our day for distances of at least 200 miles round-trip. I know, I know it sounds crazy, but this is legit. You see, I got the idea when I was driving Prof. Stephen L. Carter to and from DFW airport yesterday. How was the experience, you ask? Simply put, INSANELY AWESOME.

Unlike some other brilliant people I have met, Prof. Carter is approachable, engaging, and a true educator. Everything Prof. Osler said and more. He and I talked about a host of subjects, everything from the dwindling Texas water supply to football to fiction writing to the future of the Episcopal Church. Prof. Carter had many insightful things to say about these issues, the pressing and the mundane, but he was also genuinely interested in my thoughts. I've always thought that one of the marks of a true thinker is that they derive more joy from conversation than they do from pontificating. For all that his knowledge and understanding surpassed mine on any number of subjects, Prof. Carter invited me propose theories, state my views, and challenge a few of his. Many of his sentences began with, "So do you think..." At Judge Starr's inauguration yesterday, Prof. Carter spoke of the need for civility and mutual respect in American public discourse. After spending time with him, I can tell that this is not some idea he dreamed up to bash talking heads and sell books. To me he seems to have a heartfelt conviction that we all need to do some deep thinking, and--even more importantly--deep listening.

Gushing aside, I'm honored to have met the man, and proud to be among his academic descendants (through the Osler line). Please excuse me now, I need to go buy every book he's ever published.

Snakes Got To Eat

2010-07-30T10:01:00.004-05:00

Newsworthy post: an article from the New York Times regarding a massive recall on mail order frozen mice due to a salmonella outbreak.

A customer of MiceDirect: "Steve Gilfillan, a deputy sheriff in Council Bluffs, Iowa, keeps 'a couple hundred' garter snakes in several neat rows of roomy enclosures in his basement. The snakes, he said, are like part of the family, which leads to a certain familiarity.

'As far as precautions, I don’t know,' said Mr. Gilfillan, 51, who said his three children helped feed and care for his pets. 'Snakes got to eat and snakes got to poop and you got to clean it up. It’s just the nature of keeping them.'"

*Red bold = WHAT???? and TRUE, DOUBLE TRUE

Thank you, NYT

Vampires in Waco?

2010-06-24T11:12:00.004-05:00

Nope. It's just Carter Blood Care milking (ha) the Twilight blood thirsty fanaticism at the Starplex on opening night. At least this blood will be going to benefit humans! Although, if you think about it, a blood donation company would be the best front for vampires. I've got eyes on you, Carter! I recommend requesting the vampire needle (see left) for the most devout fans.

SFW: Colon Health, Existential Hairstyling, and the Insurance Racket

2010-05-30T22:13:00.001-05:00

Welcome, ladies and germs, to the latest installment of our sorta-regular series, Scenes From Waco. In this very special Waco Drive Edition, we explore the surreal landscape within a 1-wood of our humble home.

Let's start with a blast, and Waco's infamously misleading "Colon Massage" establishment (also recently featured at Micah-Circuitry). Whizzing by at 40 mph, most drivers' gut reaction is that the place offers some sort of bowel manipulation service. But closer "scoping" reveals an elusive ampersand, conjoining two very different therapeutic activities. The Health Center's proprietor is Rev. Rufus Stephen, B.S. No kidding, the fellow who makes his living shooting hot water into nether orifices bills himself not only as a member of the clergy but also as the proud recipient of a bachelors degree. Not to knock the old baccalaureate--I've only got a B.A. myself--but it can't be good for the colon business to tell folks up front you're not some kind doctor or chiropractor. And the whole "Rev." thing doesn't really help. Are you some kind of sphincter priest? Every potential answer just raises more disturbing questions. I'm not even going to touch the "B.S." thing, because you know I don't have to.

Few people know that after Egypt got over the whole boils, frogs, and rivers of blood deal, a wrathful God visited upon the world a plague of lawyers. Our own Jerusalem-on-the-Brazos still suffers from a glut of licenciados of varying quality. I don't know anything about Mr. Afton J. Izen, Esq. or his professional chops, but I do know that A) $79.50 is a pretty good price for a quickie divorce, B) no one should pay an attorney for services his sign confesses are not performed by an attorney, and C) acrostics are a terrible way to be taken seriously or convey information to passing motorists.

Now we jump across the street to "Salon Dada," a beauty parlor I'm not even sure exists. I mean there's a sign and building and everything, and people go in there, but these dadaists are the same folks who put a urinal on a pedestal and called it art. I think the stylists are using their scissors to cut up magazines and make collages, rather than doing hair. Maybe this is where the crazy runway model hairdos come from. But if you ask me, ceci n'est pas une salon (I couldn't help making a Magritte reference, even though he wasn't really a dadaist).

Finally, we head down the street to RICO Insurance. Insurance is one of those businesses I comprehend but don't fully understand the complexities of. However, I am pretty sure that a firm in such a universally hated and mistrusted industry shouldn't name itself after a federal anti-racketeering statute. Just my two cents. A quick google of "RICO Insurance" yields not this business' phone number or website, but an article on "protection" schemes. Has the mob sunk this low, to set up shop in Waco with a blue jay as their mascot? You have to admit, it's a more believable story than Godfather III.

For Christ's sake, be a crucifer.

2010-05-21T16:29:00.006-05:00

All hail! A new blog has entered the blogosphere: Crucifer. The author is the Rector at St. Alban's Episcopal Church here in Waco, TX (if you ever want to visit, Jesse and I are members!). St. Alban's is by far our favorite part of Waco - and this blog promises to be a collection of intellectual, spiritual discussion - I recommend you all check both out! One of Jesse's favorite quotes, "For Christ's sake, be a crucifer" is featured in the first edition.

Olympic Embarrassment

2010-05-20T11:16:00.004-05:00

Leave it to the Brits to name the ridiculous space-age 2012 Olympic mascots with upper crust 19th century names: Wenlock and Mandeville (both were potential Jr. Associate names, curses!). If you haven't already, check out the psychedelic unveiling video below...

Philosopher or Philosorapter?

2010-05-19T09:29:00.010-05:00

In a New York Times opinion piece titled, "What Is a Philosopher?" Simon Critchley discusses Socrates' tale of when Thales:

"was looking so intently at the stars that he fell into a well. Some witty Thracian servant girl is said to have made a joke at Thales' expense — that in his eagerness to know what went on in the sky he was unaware of the things in front of him and at his feet. Socrates adds, in Seth Benardete's translation, 'The same jest suffices for all those who engage in philosophy.'

What is a philosopher, then? The answer is clear: a laughing stock, an absent-minded buffoon, the butt of countless jokes...the one who is silly."

In thinking of the most interesting people I know, I would say the majority are also the most "silly." These are the professors from who I have learned, or desired to learn from, many of my closest friends who I spend hours talking to without a dull moment, and mentors who offer a different, more laughable (yet very serious) view of the world.

However, for the aspiring lawyers who follow this blog:

"Socrates introduces the 'digression' by making a distinction between the philosopher and the lawyer, or what Benardete nicely renders as the 'pettifogger.' The lawyer is compelled to present a case in court and time is of the essence. In Greek legal proceedings, a strictly limited amount of time was allotted for the presentation of cases. Time was measured with a water clock or clepsydra, which literally steals time, as in the Greek kleptes, a thief or embezzler. The pettifogger, the jury, and by implication the whole society, live with the constant pressure of time...By contrast, we might say, the philosopher is the person who has time or who takes time...Pushing this a little further, we might say that to philosophize is to take your time, even when you have no time, when time is constantly pressing at your back."

The latter statement, I think, is something that we should all strive for - to allow ourselves the time to philosophize, to be silly, to think outside the box.

All Hail Our Robot Overlords!

2010-05-12T16:52:00.000-05:00

This video is conclusive proof that we will lose the coming war against the robots. I mean, they even found a way to reanimate MJ! (Watch the whole thing for some of the best parts)

Practice Court: The Legend Continues

2010-05-11T22:28:00.001-05:00

Attend me closely, and I will tell you now of a kung fu that is stronger than any other in the ways of law. I have wandered the Halls of Darkness lo these many weeks, and I have climbed to the summit of the Celestial Courtroom. I have descended to the depths of the Five Hour Mini-Trial, and narrowly escaped the voracious jaw of the ancient beast--he who is called Memo. I have trod the Six-Fold Path to a Winning Argument, and beheld the anguish of a Adverse Evidence Ruling. How has a mere student such as myself survived these arduous tasks? I have learned from worthy masters.

In many ways, kung fu is the perfect metaphor for the practice of law (especially litigation). Properly executed, the offensive and the defensive practice flow together seamlessly. A practitioner may chose which style (or "school") of practice, among many, best fits his individual strengths and weaknesses. A practitioner must always be ready to recognize and adapt to changing circumstances. A good practitioner will approach an obstacle with preparation, deep thought, and inner calm. But most importantly, a good practitioner trains with learned masters.

It is appropriate, then, that I've found myself comparing my professors (notably the PC profs) to kung fu masters, steeped in ancient wisdom passed on for generations and added to in turn by each successive torchbearer. Individual professors teach what they learned from their professors and mentors. And, entire law schools can develop meta-personalities, commonalties of thinking that morph in to a true "school of though." For example, a practitioner of Baylor style legal kung fu is unrepentantly aggressive, but also honest and forthright--he'll fight you tooth and nail, but he'll do it by the book.

So what have my masters taught me? I've learned the bulk of Baylor-style litigation from Masters Powell, Wren, and Counseller. From Master Powell, I've also learned the importance of communication and the narrative. From Master Wren I've learned the persuasive power of truth. Outside of PC, from Master Osler I have learned to answer one's calling and to truly value a new perspective. From Master Serr, I've learned the benefit of careful thought. From Master Beal, I've learned to freely express one's joy and love for what you do. From Masters Cordon and Ryan, I've leaned the strength of an organized argument. From Master Fuselier, I've learned that ancient tradition can have relevance in everyday life. From Master B----- (awkward in this particular context), I've learned that case law might be the hardest drug the hippies ever got their hands on.

I could go on, but I've got more to learn tomorrow. The Practice Court legend continues.

Hearsay is Bad

2010-04-23T13:59:00.000-05:00

OK, so it's not the best LOL you've ever seen on the internet, but I bet it's the only one addressing the Hearsay Rule (or Sir Walter Raleigh).

Wicked Green Today

2010-04-22T11:43:00.008-05:00

"What? What are you all looking at?"
"Oh! Do I have something in my teeth?"
"Alright, fine let's just get this over with: No i'm not sea-sick, yes, i've always been green, no I didn't eat grass as a child."

The above quote is from the musical Wicked, but I thought it appropriate for Earth Day as well, along with a few other internet finds:

1. Top 9 Ways to Celebrate Middle-Earth Day: #2 on this list is precious.

2. An out of this world/non-Earth link: props to the Washington Examiner for using the word probe in an article about sexual harassment

3. Speaking of green, as you have probably heard, the $100 bill got a makeover today, but what about that pesky $2?

Welcome, Junior Associate Davis!

2010-03-28T17:04:00.002-05:00

The Davis Firm is proud to announce that we are in talks to add a new junior associate to our practice. Yet-to-be-named Davis (pictured at left) is a specialist in the areas of Floating, Parasitic Consumption, and Kicking. He or she is approximately the size of a navel orange, and is expected to join the firm in late September.

"We're eagerly anticipating the joyous event," said Davis Firm partner Diana Davis, "And we couldn't be happier to become parents."

"So I finally figured out where babies come from," shared firm founder Jesse Davis. "it's pretty gross. I am looking forward to having a minion, though...and don't tell Diana I called our child my minion."

Food, Glorious Food!

2010-03-22T15:40:00.002-05:00

While eating my banana this morning, I encountered several bruises - nothing novel in the experience, just part of the process when eating a banana you carried around in a bag.

*side note: some folks say they like the bruises - for me, I just close my eyes and try to overcome the mushy texture.

Anyways, I had a revelation this morning about bananas. Not only are they super potassium packers, they should be super heroes (at least, perhaps, ironic). Case: bananas are full of potassium, which prevent bruises in people...yet bananas themselves are incredibly susceptible to bruising. Whoa, I know.

For more food fun today, check out:

1. Why dark coffee is easier on your stomach...
2. PepsiCo Develops 'Designer Salt' to Chip Away at Sodium Intake
3. This scene from Oliver!

Redefining Republican

2010-02-22T10:20:00.012-06:00

As we begin 2010, we also start campaign season for the mid term elections in November and the Republican Party's inner turmoil is center stage. The rise of the Tea Party movement within the Republican Party is haunting. These right radical voters (who disassociate from both parties) have the power to win a Senate seat in Massachusetts (I'm happy for the win, but...) and hold their own convention with Sarah Palin (shudder) as their keynote speaker. At least Scott Brown isn't a Sarah Palin crony (yet). And I say yet because I worry to what degree the Republican Party will court these voters for more wins in November and the looming 2012 election.

The Tea Party Nation are those folks at political rallies yelling "get rid of the Fed" or "Secede!" and other radical idiotic statements. Now, not all Tea Party followers are Ron Paul nuts - some I think are just independents who are excited to finally have a unifying group identity. However, the majority of these folks have no idea about the consequences of policy change - they are angry over the Obama stimulus bill (understandably) and the national debt (validly) - but they lack knowledge of how to create effective change and just want to see action, whatever that may be.

The fear clincher for me was seeing Ron Paul win the straw poll at CPAC. I consider myself a conservative - both fiscally and socially. However, I am not a Tea Party supporter. I can understand somewhat favorably the basic ideology of the Tea Party movement, but I completely disagree with the actual policy and opinions of the group. And I fear for the future of the Republican party and intelligent, well educated political thought.

Henry Olsen argues that "If the Republicans do not resolve their internal tensions and adjust to demographic shifts and changing public attitudes, they could easily resume their decline and perhaps even go the way of the Whigs." Which is worse - possible death of the party by not bending to the Tea Party or certain death of the party by becoming the Tea Party?

I argue that Republicans in Congress need to stop playing minority party "poor me." Republicans need to articulate their policy plans clearly (without worrying about driving away Tea Party supporters). Let the crazies be crazies - Republicans, don't drink the Kool Aid!

De-constructing Art in the Kitchen

2010-02-15T00:27:00.002-06:00

I'm not going to complain about PC (the reason this post comes after midnight), but before Darth Powell and Darth Wren ruined my life I redid our kitchen. The only thing I have left to do now is paint the cabinet doors. (see below for before and after pics). The total transformation has been a fun/sad project. Fun, because it already looks much better. Sad, because each cabinet door used to display a little piece of folk art a previous owner painstakingly created with acrylic paint.

Every single one of our 25 cabinet doors boasted a bouquet. They were nicely done if you're into that sort of thing, but way over the top for most people's taste. I like to think they were done by a nice old retired lady named Rose. And I've destroyed them.

Sanding each painting revealed progressing (regressing?) layers of color. I even found stencil lines in pencil--Rose's guide as she painted. These cool little touches remind me how much time she must have put into her kitchen. [click pictures to enlarge]

Here are the before pics. Note the sloppy wood stain, dated range hood, and WTF light fixture over the sink.

Now here are the after shots, without the doors (still working on them--did I mention PC?). New paint, new wall color, new range hood, new switches and outlets, and new recessed light over the sink.

Idaho. No, wait. You da....

2010-02-11T13:31:00.019-06:00

Ok, ok, so we have fallen a tad behind in blogging. Since Jesse promised photos/updates from our Christmas adventures (and he is currently balancing the PC work load), I will give it a go:

We were able to spend nearly 2 weeks in Coeur d'Alene, ID at Jesse's grandparent's "cabin." I say "cabin" because the airport shuttle driver said that anything bigger than 2 rooms or that has central air/heat is a house. And she's probably right. However, this house built with logs is affectionately called the "cabin" by Jesse's family - complete with larger than life Native American statue, longhorns, and bear skin rug.

This was the view from our bedroom window:

And the view from the back porch:

Also, a couple of views from the neighborhood road:

Other than lounging at the cabin, reading, and drinking strong coffee, we also took a couple of side trips - skiing in Montana, visiting Wallace/Idaho's silver mining capital, and Spokane.

Skiing was the most entertaining part of the trip, by far. Jesse's younger brother and sister opted for snowboards and they immediately set off for the blue slopes, while Jesse, myself, and Jesse's mom (Laura) all headed to the bunny slopes to refamiliarize ourselves on skis. Luckily, I had been skiing quite a bit when I was a kid, and was very pleased that skiing came back quickly. Jesse and Laura struggled a little bit more with gaining control - Jesse couldn't stop and Laura wouldn't get out of the "pizza" position (going about an inch a minute down the slope). And the day pretty much continued this way - when we finally got on the green slopes, on every downhill Jesse would come swooshing by yelling "I can't stop!!!" and I'd see him intentionally wipeout at the bottom in order to avoid crashing into the trees. These wipeouts were epic. I'd see him coming within about 10 ft of the trees, then all four limbs would be up in the air, then his skis and poles would be thrown and spread out across the hill. One fall was so bad that Jesse's mom got out of her skis (because she could run down the hill faster than ski) to make sure he was ok. Needless to say, Jesse walked away some solid war wounds.

Coeur d'Alene is also a nesting ground for Bald Eagles migrating south - driving to the cabin we would see 5 or 6 just in one tree! Jesse got some great shots:

Of course all I could think about was that scene from 1776:

We were definitely sad to leave...

Run for the Hills! Mandatory Gay Marriage!

2010-01-12T16:09:00.011-06:00

I’ll admit it—the title is a sensationalist bit I stole from Justin and used to get you to read my post on gay marriage. But read on, there’s good stuff here! With Ted Olsen and David Boies’ Prop. 8 Case (Perry v. Schwarzenegger) making headlines, surely you’re wondering, “Sure, but what does Jesse think?” Well I’ll tell you. I’m for it, and I’m agin’ it. I’m for the idea that two people who care deeply for each other can enter into a social contract to dispose of assets, arrange visitation and adoption rights, and the like. I’m against the idea that marriage, theologically speaking, can exist between two people of the same sex. How do I reconcile the two? By telling the government “Don’t Tread on My Marriage!” The two functions of marriage—contractual and spiritual—were melded together long ago in the dark ages. It’s long past time we “put them asunder.”

Seriously, why is the government still in the marriage business? In the Catholic church, my own Anglican faith, and most other Christian denominations, the sacrament of marriage is complete the moment the man and the women commit to each other before God. You don’t even need a pastor or priest—the ceremony’s just for witnessing, moral support, and the Target gift registry. The State (big S) got into the marriage business at a time when 1) the church and the state were a lot more cozy than they are today, and vacillated between supporting and denigrating each other’s institutions, and 2) property passed around in the largest amounts by through family arrangements—marriage, inheritance, etc—and the state had an interest in regulating such a central establishment. But today, why do I need the government gatekeeping the institution of marriage? In the eyes of the state it’s a contractual relationship, and nothing more. Let dudes have contracts with dudes, I don’t care.

Now, I think things change once you’re inside the church doors. The state’s not in charge anymore, and marriage isn’t a contract anymore—it ’s a covenant and a sacrament. So really, just like the church can’t dictate who I can contract with, the state can’t dictate who I can marry in a spiritual sense (which is lucky for Diana and I, as our joint awesomeness is an admitted violation of the Sherman Act). Plenty of denominations (too many in my mind) now offer “commitment ceremonies” or full-on “marriages” for same-sex couples. OK, fine. I think it’s gross and not legit, but it’s their deal. But things like the Defense of Marriage Act scare me because we’re suddenly letting the state further inside the church doors than ever before. And I’m much more concerned about the danger the state poses to the church than the church to the state.

For more on the subject, read Ted Olsen’s piece on his Perry v. Schwarzenegger and what he deems a “conservative” constitutional argument for gay marriage.

SFW: The Beefy Slayer

2010-01-06T15:36:00.003-06:00

Here's a special treat, blog-o-friends, while we procrastinate posting Christmas vacation pictures. Scenes From Waco, with a bonus Scenes From Idaho!

Waco's a bit overcast today, but if you can make out the Taco Bell sign at left it suggests that passersby try the new "BEEFY SLAYER BURRITO." At least that's what it looked like to me, as the "5" in "BEEFY 5 LAYER BURRITO" has migrated eastward with hilarious results. Needless to say, I did not order one of these new murder burritos.

We had some shopping to do at Wal-Mart the other day, and decided to pick up groceries while we were there. Great prices, but questionable quality. Case in point, the "Corn King" brand deli ham at right. Why should a cob of corn on the label make me want to buy ham? Why should ham be labeled like produce? Such is the mystery of Wal-Mart, and its never ending quest for the lowest cost suppliers. Perhaps Justin will have something to say about the inefficiencies of raising meat livestock primarily on grains...

And now the bonus! Three awesome phone-pic shots from Idaho, dipicting 1) a drunken Kool-Aid Man, 2) a dog driving a car, and 3) more over-priced Christmas kitsch.

Dominion!

2009-12-10T15:47:00.001-06:00

Whilst wiki-learning earlier today, I stumbled across the article for Bir Tawil, a tiny spit of land betwixt Egypt and Sudan that apparently neither country wants anymore. So I'm now accepting applications for the army I'm raising to take control of the Bir Tawil, which I will immediately declare an autocratic personal dominion of the Davis Dynasty. Guess what Vatican? There's a new micronation in town!

Doesn't seem like the place has a lot of natural resources, but it is named for a nearby water well. Maybe I'll build the world's largest sand volleyball pit. Or a gladiator pit. Or a giant statute of myself. One interesting question is what sort of law I'll impose...but basically I think I'll rule by fiat and ukase. Interesting that Osler also touched on this topic today.

SFW: Holiday Hi-Jinx

2009-12-07T17:20:00.001-06:00

Aloha and Mele Kalikimaka, readers! This weekend the Missus and I did some holiday shopping in addition to our regular trip to H.E.B. for groceries. Hilarity and Scenes From Waco ensued!

At left are Peel N' Stick decals you can put on your window to spread holiday cheer in your neighborhood. The problem is, this snow-family is decidedly lacking in cheer. Mom's sweeping away, keeping the igloo tidy with a creepy Stepford grin on her face, while it looks like Dad is begrudgingly taking the snow-kid out to play catch or something. "Oh well," thinks Mom, "let it snow!" Snowkid is blissfully unaware of that his family unit is about to implode, as soon as Mom finds out about Dad's prurient interest in his secretary's sno-cones.

You know, I spent all last December looking for the perfect illuminated farm animal, but Target had what I needed the whole time! Light-up Santa Pig! And a steal at only $39.99. For the love of porkchops, who buys this stuff? Jesus was Jewish--there's no way he want's us to make Light-up Santa Pigs part of our lawn nativities.

Affirm: Undergarments for Judges. Not really holiday related, but I'm glad someone is finally recognizing the aging of our federal bench.

InTouch Magazine warns us, "It's Worse Than Anyone Knows." You're telling me, InTouch! Brad's beard is way out of hand! It's like his hair and designer clothes say "Hollywood A-lister," but his beard says "Could you spare some change or, in the alternative, some meth?"

I scratched my head for a bit, trying to figure out why this gas station Dr. Pepper machine is raised about two feet off the ground. Taller patrons? Nope. Floodwater? Good guess, but no. Only in Texas, my friends, will you find a drive-through Dr. Pepper machine. I kid you not.

Shared Wiring

2009-11-18T11:53:00.003-06:00

So, I know I haven't blogged in a while (and I don't really consider this a blog post), but I did want to share some interesting links from Wired.com:

1. Concept Art Offers Peek at Tim Burton’s Twisted Genius - New York’s Museum of Modern Art will be displaying a collection of 700 art pieces produced by Tim Burton from the past three decades. Also, I am really looking forward to Alice in Wonderland!

2. Review: New Super Mario Bros. Wii Is Nostalgic, Chaotic - a review of the upcoming throwback-to-classic 2D Super Mario Brothers for Wii...the review also includes snippets of game play. As NES Super Mario Bros. was my first video game, I am interested to see how this 2D game will fair in a 3D gaming world.

SFW: Jesus Said Rock

2009-11-12T10:04:00.003-06:00

It's time for another exciting installment of "Scenes From Waco!" This one comes to us from the Genie Car Wash and Fast Lube, where I took the infamous Little Red for an oil change the other day. Remember, my friends, that nothing does more to keep you car in tip-top shape and improve your gas milage than following your auto dealer's suggested maintenence schedule. As in the case of Little Red, this becomes even more important after about 203,000 miles.

The poster at left advertises a rollicking good time down at Common Grounds, wherein the faithful will gather to keep the 11th Commandment: ROCK. Fans of Spinal Tap will note that much like that group's mega-loud amps, in Waco our commandments go up to 11, that we mayst rock even harder for Our Savior. I don't really recall Jesus saying "rock," except in one horrendously misinterpreted little pun to Peter: "Upon this rock ("petros" in Greek) I will build my church." So are we to recall that Jesus Said Peter? That's got potential for hilarity for sure. But now that I think about it, Petros was really an affectionate nickname for the disciple called Simon, so maybe the point is that Jesus Said Simon? I thought the deal was Simon said things, not that people said Simon. Maybe that's why I never got that game, because it's a very deep theological allegory.

I guess this post is really more questions than answers. Is it safe to assume that God does not want us to remember the Black Sabbath, and keep it holy? What are the Son of Man's thoughts on Marilyn Manson? Is the carpenter from Galilee partial to The Carpenters? As a fellow member of the Tribe, does Christ keep Gene Simmons and KISS on the Ever Blessed iPod? Did Jesus have a certain genre in mind when he told us to Rock? I know this doesn't make the cut, but are we talking classic rock, or do folk rock and alt country count? These are but a few of His Holy Mysteries.

It's Kelo-ver: Pfizer Leaves New London

2009-11-10T10:05:00.007-06:00

After battling the eminent domain case Kelo v. New London all the way to the Supreme Court, and the court ruling in favor of the City of New London (5-4), Pfizer announced today that they are closing their R&D facility in New London, CT. Ouch. Although I am not a lawyer or law student, I did follow this case closely back in 2005, and hearing this final outcome of the situation reignited the arguments for me...I can understand the City's side of wanting control of private, blighted areas to redevelop for the benefit of the city, but I also have serious reservations about the Supreme Court's decision and the moral infringement on the 5th Amendment (also basic Free Market principles). The Pfizer announcement just seems like the ultimate slap in the face. So, I pose 2 questions for all those law focused readers:

1. Thoughts on the original Kelo decision by the Supreme Court? Effects on the 5th Amendment?

2. Because of the Kelo decision, revisions to state constitutions have been proposed (Proposition 11, recently voted on in Texas, passed and "will state in the Constitution that governments in Texas are prevented from seizing private property and giving it to a private developer to boost the tax base") - will this proposition, in turn, effectively protect private property and land owners in Texas?

Political Identity

2009-11-09T22:20:00.003-06:00

I suppose that like the other human beings waltzing around this big blue marble, I'm constantly in search of an identity. Sure, most of us know who we are to some degree. But our nature requires that we define ourselves in terms of our models and examples. After all, there is nothing new under the sun.

So it comes as no real surprise that recent discussions of an Republican "identity crisis" have caused me to contemplate my own identity. I know where I stand on certain issues, but where does that put me in the spectrum of my right-wing compatriots? Are we even compatriots any more?

Most voters articulate their views (even when those views aren't so articulate) in a few neat categories: social issues, economic issues, The Government, and foreign affairs. There's tons of overlap here, but the categories make it simpler to discuss in this format. On the almost every front, I'm a sure conservative. On economic issues, I think we need less taxes and less government spending if the private sector is ever going to really rebound. This ties right into The Government, which I think is too big, too driven by a Congress and Executive with solutions in search of problems, and too entrenched to change without major reform. On foreign affairs, I'd like us to walk softly and carry a big stick, but not be afraid to swing the bejezzus out of the stick when our interest, allies, or freedom are at stake.

Its on the "social issues" where I run afoul of many other Republicans, especially in Texas. It's not a question of stance--I don't like abortion, and I think it should be illegal. I think "marriage" means a man and a woman, and I think the death penalty is appropriate in limited circumstances. Heck, I even think the Bible's got lessons for everyone and the world would be a better place if we all learned and lived by them. But the problem's in presentation and priority. I don't think my views MUST be everyone else's, and that all those who disagree are apostates. I don't think that the Defense of Marriage Act is a national priority, or that gay marriage is going to morally bankrupt the Union. And as vile as abortion is, I don't think it's the first question someone should ask a political candidate for, say, city council. I believe what I believe, and I'd like the government to stay the hell out of it, thank you very much.

Thankfully, my views put me in good company. Reagan and Goldwater, for instance. And my former congressman, Dick Armey (Diana's posted a great NYT profile of Armey on facebook). And not insignificantly, the majority of the American population. Especially during these economically turbulent times, the tough fiscal questions are at the forefront and most people fall to center-right. And perhaps surprisingly, most of the Tea Party crowd. But unfortunately every time a Terry Schivo-type issue comes up, the DeLay and Palin Republicans feel the need to run out and prove their righteousness. Well I'd rather be right than righteous--they're usually the same thing.

The Rs Win! (And Hopefully Learn Some Lessons for 2010)

2009-11-04T08:36:00.001-06:00

A brief respite from finals to reflect: It's a good day to be a Republican. We've just swept in Virginia (including the Governor's post), and elected a Republican replacement for noted gun hater Gov. John Corzine in New Jersey. But we've also got egg on our face from losing the stalwart NY23 seat to the Dems. Failure is always an opportunity in disguise, so lets look at the lessons to be learned from this situation. (photo jacked from Politico)

As Orin Kerr noted over at The Volokh Conspiracy, there are four clear lessons (I've put my own twist to some of these): 1) The conservative movement is alive and well. 2) American's want old-fashioned economic conservatives, and are much more accepting of social moderates than certain pundits would like you to believe. 3) 2010 could be disastrous for Obama, even though there hasn't been a fundamental sea change in opinion since he was elected. 4) Radical right-wingers do not have large scale support.

Obviously the winners in New Jersey and Virginia had to be more moderate and right-of-center than their counterparts elsewhere (ahem, Texas), or they never would have stood a chance. But the real fireworks were in NY23. The Republican nominee there was forced out by a "Conservative Party" candidate who garnered support from the likes of Palin and Glenn Beck. Folks on the far right crowed when the pro-choice, pro-gay rights nominee Scozzafava suspended her campaign last week. But what are they to say now that their candidate has been defeated? I've thought for a while that the fight up there was local at heart--it was a special election, and the moderate party establishment nominated Scozzafava, she wasn't swept in by popular vote. So there was probably some resentment unrelated to her more left-leaning positions. And it's been generally acknowledged that Republicans only held that seat because we've been willing to elect moderates that the area independents could support. Case in point, last night's election. The "Conservative Party" nominee Hoffman won 45.2% of the vote, the Democrat 49.3%, and Scozzafava 5.5%. Isn't it pretty clear that without Hoffman in the race, the Republican would have won? And that's not even counting the independents who voted Democrat, but would liked to have voted for Scozzafava?

This was supposed to be the far right's big hurrah--Palin, Beck, Perry, and all those guys came out in support of Hoffman, and advocated a "purification" of the Republican Party. To win, they said, we've got to be even more conservative than we were before, and stick to our guns. Guys like Newt, however, said they opposite. Remember that Newt was one of the principle architects of our takeover in '94. He said that we've got to stop pushing people out of the big tent, and start figuring out how to work together inside it. As Mark Davis recently said while sitting in for Rush, isn't a 60% R better than a D?

The sad part is, I can't expect that we'll learn this lesson. The talk show guys will chalk the wins in New Jersey and Virginia up to anti-Obama backlash, and call the loss in NY23 a narrow miss. The Obama win in 2008 and the developments of 2009 probably won't be writing on the wall enough to forestall disappointment in 2010. If we want to win, we have to stop giving creedence only to the loudest and most acerbic voices in the party. We have to realize that maybe you can get away with purging the RINOs on a small scale, in safely conservative areas. But we can't keep attacking our own on a nationwide scale, especially in Dem territory like New York.

From My Cold Dead Hands, Baylor Law Review!

2009-10-29T12:54:00.002-05:00

Great news! My submission to the Baylor Law Review write-on competition has earned me a spot on the staff, starting in the Winter Quarter. As I understand it, our job is to review the law, which I give a solid 3 out of 5 gavels. Strong on casting, weak on writing and dialog.

Part of the the strength of my piece, I think, is that the topic was very interesting and I was able to enjoy myself a bit. The prompt was basically the cert question in McDonald v. Chicago, which is whether the individual right to bear arms the Supreme Court articulated in Heller last year should be incorporated to the states through the 14th Amendment. So that's fun enough by itself. But cert was also granted on whether such incorporation should occur through the privileges or immunities clause, overruling the Slaughter-House Cases! Crazy!

So what do we think? Is the right to bear arms "fundamental" and/or "implicit in the Anglo-American concept of ordered liberty?" I say hell yeah, but I've been known to make rash decisions based upon the awesomeness of firearms.

On a related note, I think this should be the next Federalist Society Professors' Debate topic. Who do we want to see argue guns?

ApOrang-splosion: Global Warming and Heated Debate

2009-10-28T08:45:00.010-05:00

Global Warming is a dish best served cold, like pizza (30 Rock, anyone?), but the sequel to the controversial Freakonomics is raising more emotions than temperatures around the world. The book is gaining SUPER press exposure this week - from The Daily Show to the Wall Street Journal. Adding more fuel to this fiery debate, Stephen D. Levitt's NY Times "Freakonomics" blog hosts a SuperFreakonomics Global Warming Fact Quiz.

My question to you:

Would we "be better off doing nothing until the state of technology can catch up to the scope of the problem" or going all Inconvenient Truth on the Earth?

I fall approximately room temperature on the spectrum - I don't think it is worth spending trillions of dollars on a problem that we do not fully understand, but it couldn't hurt to compost in your backyard or drive an electric car (depending of course on the cost and/or how the electricity was generated).

Another Step Toward Legitimate Blogging!

2009-10-26T11:22:00.003-05:00

My friends, this morning I embarked upon an exciting new adventure--participation in a legitimate blogging effort that has nothing to do with Baylor, Waco, our house, or whatever. As part of the promo efforts for our forthcoming book, a group of fellow authors and I are now posting over at the new Reclaiming the Right blog. The general idea is thoughtful conservatism, and an intellectual underpinning to some of the more emotion-driven current debates. Should be fun! Check out my first post, on Afghanistan (the author is listed as "Robert Wheeler," but that's a temporary bug). Don't worry, there will still be plenty of fun and debate here at The Davis Firm. I expect that the tone of my posts at the new blog will be more academic, and probably sound a lot like the pieces I wrote in a former life. Enjoy!

Cath-Anglican: But Now I'm Found?

2009-10-20T16:47:00.004-05:00

The New York Times article, "Pope Sets Plan for Disaffected Anglicans to Join Catholics," highlights a new twist in the Great Anglican Divide:

"In an extraordinary bid to lure traditionalist Anglicans en masse, the Vatican on Tuesday announced that it would make it easier for Anglicans who are uncomfortable with their church’s acceptance of women priests and openly gay bishops to join the Roman Catholic Church.

A new canonical entity will allow groups of Anglicans 'to enter full communion with the Catholic Church while preserving elements of the distinctive Anglican spiritual and liturgical patrimony,' Cardinal William Levada, the prefect for the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, said at a news conference here."

As a new Episcopalian, I am not sure how this would play out - among Catholics and/or among Anglicans. In order to preserve traditionalist values, would Anglicans rejoin with the Pope? Friends, Catholics, Anglicans, lend me your thoughts!

I Knew That Obama Guy Was a Stoner!

2009-10-19T11:47:00.002-05:00

The buzz today is that Big O is set to announce a new marijuana policy, under which the DEA will no longer enforce federal marijuana prohibitions where they conflict with state laws allowing the use and distribution of medical weed. This isn't exactly unexpected--as the ad at left demonstrates, NORML campaigned hard for the guy they knew would loosen marijuana laws. But the announcement is still big news.

What are we to think of Obama's new drug policy? I know our national drug policies need to be reworked, and think I can get on board with the idea that we may have over-criminalized marijuana use (just look at the number of young people in prison today for possession of relatively small amounts), but does that mean that the President should direct the DEA to ignore federal criminal statutes? I don't think so. If this is going to be his policy, he should ask Congress to rewrite the law. It's their job. His job is to "faithfully execute" the laws. See generally The Freakin' Constitution.

If the states want to decriminalize marijuana, and the Congress wants to decriminalize it at the federal level, let's have that debate. Let's talk about our drug policies and come to a legislative conclusion. If you're interested, Texas Monthly ran a great piece last month on the marijuana debate in Texas, and it included a good summations of the arguments for and against. I mean come on, who did the country elect president, Barack Obama or Matthew McConaughey?

Snuggies and Healthcare

2009-10-16T12:05:00.003-05:00

Ok, so Colbert and Jon Stewart are famous for putting members of Congress in awkward, and generally embarrassing, situations but D.L. Hughley got 2 members to wear Snuggies. I am pretty sure that sets a precedent.

Real Headline: 'Bunnies Burned to Keep Swedes Warm'

2009-10-15T11:13:00.000-05:00

'Stockholm's Bunnies Burned to Keep Swedes Warm.'

This. Story. Is. Hilarious. Apparently the Swedes, well know for ingenuity in the furniture arts, have found a new way to make lemonade when life hands you lemons. Or more precisely, to make bioenergy when life hands you thousands of tiny rabbit cadavers.

Well what do you expect from the deranged people who brought us Bursjön the stool? (not to mention a demonic stuffed bunny, "Gosig Kanin") I mean, this is a perfectly logical solution to two problems--too many rabbits, and not enough heat. But how horrifying! It's like a car that runs on shattered dreams, or a sneaker-sewing machine fueled by the tears of Indonesian children.

Many of the destructive little herbivores start life as pets, and when kids get tired of their new friend they put them outside to "play with the other bunnies." Ha! More like "play with the grim spectre of a violent shooting death followed by slow roasting in a hellish pit of fire." What will we hear next? 'Norwegians Find New Life for Killer Whales...As Luxury Condos.' You monsters, not Shamu IX! We didn't even know if it was a boy or a girl!

SFW: Gently Heartbreaking and Overpriced

2009-10-14T09:31:00.000-05:00

We haven't had a "Scenes From Waco" installment for a while, so I thought we'd catch up with two.

The availability of movies is one of Waco's many idiosyncrasies. Some movies just never screen here, and you also run across a lot of videos at Blockbuster that you've never heard of before. Mostly straight-to-DVD Jesus stuff. But the poster at left struck me for two reasons: 1) I'd never heard of it, and what the heck is it even about anyway? Two ladies moving a stuff around for 90 minutes? and 2) The best billing they could give this flick is "Funny..." (ok, good so far) "...and gently heartbreaking." Huh? That's exactly what I want to see, a manic-depressive film about two ladies moving stuff around. Perfect Friday evening.

HEB stores are a big plus for Waco. I know HEBs in other places are sometimes the nasty, run down store in town. But here the betters ones are big, clean, and run great deals. They also sell a lot of non-grocery items, which are generally way overpriced. Case in point, the tin flamingo at right. All this thing does is sit in your yard (or living room maybe?) and bob up and down in the wind. How much is the pleasure of owning such a device worth to you? $20? $25? How about $49.95!? Well that's what they want you to pay. Worst part is, I see less and less of these things everytime we go to the store. Somebody's buying them! There's a flock of expensive tin flamingos overrunning the town!

War is Peace, Irony is Fantastic

2009-10-13T12:13:00.005-05:00

After winning the Nobel Peace Prize on Friday, the Obama White House declared war on Fox News on Sunday saying,

"'What I think is fair to say about Fox -- and certainly it's the way we view it -- is that it really is more a wing of the Republican Party,' said Anita Dunn, White House communications director, on CNN. 'They take their talking points, put them on the air; take their opposition research, put them on the air. And that's fine. But let's not pretend they're a news network the way CNN is.'"

Anita Dunn is right, Fox News is no CNN:

WTF? There's a Nobel Prize for Sitting at Home and Eating Cheetos?

2009-10-09T10:49:00.004-05:00

If you read my post yesterday, you know how highly I regard Obama's job performance thus far. (Ha!) But apparently he's doing such good job of being an ineffectual wiener that they gave him the Nobel Peace Prize! Conclusive proof that the Nobel Peace Prize has become a worthless paperweight. Literally, utterly worthless. Too bad Yasser Arafat isn't around to chat Obama up at Peace Prize Winners Reunions. But now Big O and Al Gore will have something to talk about besides how much they hate Bill and Hillary.

Obama: Hero to Zero in Just 10 Months

2009-10-08T10:04:00.004-05:00

So it's October, and the Big O (or should that be a "0"?) has yet to deliver on a single major campaign promise. Don't believe me? Just watch the video below, he explains it himself (thanks to The Tuegel and Magnificent Vista for the tip--I missed the first 10 minutes of SNL this week). Come on, what did you think was going to happen? I mean the guy was campaigning on "I'm going to lower the level of the sea"--we know he got a little too big for his britches. Dear Barrack- just because you think you're invincible and everyone tells you that you're going to be the best president ever doesn't make it true.

If I had the time, I'd lay down some erudite and hard-hitting analysis on why Obama's first year is shaping up to be a failure. For now, I'll just hit three of the high points.

1) He's a wiener. Obama can't get stuff done because he's too busy trying to please everyone (and never switched out of campaign mode), and he doesn't have the cache on Captiol Hill to make everyone jump in line.

2) He can't manage expectations. Americans don't expect a prefect president, or even a terribly effective one, but Big O promised us the moon. Well ok, W promised us the moon, but Obama said he'd save the economy, fix healthcare, reverse global warming, turn all the Washington Fat Cats into cuddly kittens, and solve our race relation problems. Did Obama not go to that seminar on setting attainable goals? He's like that guy who gets Ds as a pre-law undergrad and is convinced he's going to be a Supreme Court Justice. You have to set your self up for sucess, not unmitigated failure. Case in point, the Olympics. Here's a good idea: go ahead and give the world a reason to shoot down the US, after they're already pissed at us for causing a global financial meltdown. I'm sure they'll give Chicago the Olympics, just as long as you ask nicely and smile. A smart politician stays a thousand miles from away from something like that if there's even a outside chance he'll lose. Instead Obama went and put his personal credibility on the line. Dumb. This is such a no brainer that I heard Hugh Hewitt say before the fact, "Of course Chicago is getting the Olympics. Otherwise Obama wouldn't be going to Copenhagen."

3) He played the race card. Or at least didn't properly deal with it after Carter played it. Don't even give me that line about how Jimmy Carter was spekaing for himself, and Big O had nothing to do with it. Obama's the party leader, Carter is a Democrat, and all such birds come home to roost with the president. Obama doesn't have to have anything to do with Carter's asine remarks for them to be his problem. You can't run a campaign on "post-racial" politics, and then let some crazy peanut farmer spout off about how racist your opponents are. Even if there are some racist nuts out there, what kind of arrogance is it to let someone call the majority of your opposision racially motivated? If Carter really was off the reservation and O didn't see some truth in his words, he should have lambasted the remarks publicly and called Jimmy a crazy old coot. Instead he just left the knife in tolerant white America's back.

Wednesday Share and Tell

2009-10-07T09:14:00.005-05:00

Oh, the trial of obtaining adequate sleep! I think Christoph Niemann illustrated this ubiquitous battle perfectly through his humorous visual blog: "Good Night and Tough Luck."

Cheers!

Going Rogue

2009-10-02T14:20:00.010-05:00

After all of Sarah Palin's blunders and gaffes during the '08 election, you'd think someone would have caught this one: the (hopefully) unintended use of rogue in the title of her upcoming book, Going Rogue.

Top 3 Reasons Not to Describe Yourself/Political Entity as Rogue:

1. Probably not a good idea to apply the same word used to describe North Korea to yourself.

2. Although you may have seen X-Men 1 or 2 (hopefully you have not seen the ugly stepchildren 3 and Wolverine), the character of Rogue sucks the life out of everything she touches. Not exactly positive, vote for me imagery.

3. The definition of rogue from Merriam-Webster is as follows:
1 : vagrant, tramp
2 : a dishonest or worthless person : scoundrel
3 : a mischievous person : scamp
4 : a horse inclined to shirk or misbehave
5 : an individual exhibiting a chance and usually inferior biological variation

Seriously. Did you intentionally use this word or just think it sounded cool? Or maybe Sarah Palin is getting career ideas from Justin's blog. Wait a minute, didn't he intern in Alaska this past summer? Oh. my. gosh. Conspiracy!

Swan Lake of Death

2009-10-01T09:46:00.015-05:00

There is an epic battle taking place in Brooklyn's Prospect Park:

Two rival houses lived separately, but harmoniously, on opposite ends of a territory. We'll call the Northern Clan "Swanords," and the Southern Clans, "Swansurs." The two houses were both without an heir for months, until this fateful deadly year. The Swanords were blessed with a beautiful baby boy, but not to be outdone, the Swansurs had five. Mwahahahahahaha! And the prophecy of the five Swan princes was set into motion.

Over the summer months, these Swanlets grew. The Father of the Swansurs trained his sons to be great, vicious fighters - forcing them to complete complex and traditional swan fighting patterns in the secret of the night. The Father of the Swanords, taught his son to respect the environment and to love everyone and everything. Swanord, Jr. grew to be a kind and gentle creature, while the 5 Swansur sons grew to be evil, bloodthirsty animals.

For the Swansurs had always been territorial. It was in their blood to rule all the lake they could see and destroy all that got in their way.

After months of palpable tension, life on the lake suddenly transformed in an instant of terror. The Swansur Father ordered a daylight attack on the Swanords! With the fierce battle cry of silence and flapping wings, the Swansur charged. Oh, the horror!

But, the Swansur made one fatal mistake: daylight. Since he had trained his sons by the light of the moon, no human had previously witnessed their deadly capabilities. And now, in the brilliance of the sun, Truth illuminated their evil plot.

"Curses! Foiled again! Seriously, humans. Stop making swans with your doggie bag leftovers, only to throw them at us in an attempt to thwart our violent ways!" shouted the mute Swansur.

That night the Swansurs held a family meeting and swore by their beaks that they would get those Swanords, even if it meant destroying the humans too.

So, yeah. You better watch out New Yorkers because they are watching you.

They Want to End Immunity Day!

2009-09-29T11:40:00.003-05:00

Ok, so the headline's a little sensational, but I'm kind of keyed up about this. At their next meeting, the faculty will discuss the pros and cons of Immunity Day, and may ultimately decide not to participate in the future. SBA has been asked to prepare an Immunity Day report, but our elected student representatives will not be allowed to present it to the faculty, or even be available to answer questions. The students and the charities Immunity Day benefits may lose out without an opportunity to speak in our own defense. Please read on for details, and tell your professors why Immunity Day should stay.

If you attend Baylor Law, you know that the Student Bar Association's big fundraiser is something called Immunity Day. You basically pay $5 or $10 bucks per class, and then you don't get called on during the eponymous Day. In the past we've given between $5000 and $7000 each to CASA, Caritas of Waco, Toys for Tots, and a number of other local charities. We've also partnered with Carter Blood Care, and let students chose to give blood for immunity instead of pay. Traditionally there's been a "party" at a local establishment the night before Immunity Day, but all the money we raise goes to the chosen charity--not to fund the party.

Of course, professors willing to offer immunity for charity are vital to the effort. But apparently, some Baylor Law professors want to end the philanthropic tradition. I've spoken with a few of them, and the main reasons seem to be (1) We hold too many Immunity Days (once a quarter); (2) Immunity Day is a lazy way to raise money; (3) Immunity Day doesn't make a difference; (4) We should be planning the kind of big fundraisers other law schools put on; and (5) The money goes to fund a party.

I'm always one to give faculty the benefit of the doubt, but this time their assumptions are way off base. We've already addressed the outlandish notion that SBA is using charitable contributions to throw a party (that one's a little insulting). And you've seen the numbers (almost $20,000 donated in the last year), so that's all that's needed rebut the idea that Immunity Day doesn't make a difference. But I'm really confused by the thought that SBA could be doing more, or holding a different kind of event to raise the funds we give to our beneficiary organization. The same professors who complain that Immunity Day is a drain on student's study time seem to argue that we should pull out all the stops to plan golf tournaments, or date auctions, or whatever other fundraisers their alma maters put on. Many of us (myself included) came to Baylor for the rigorous academics and advocacy training, especially the PC program. But the same faculty who tout Baylor's academic rigor in the recruitment materials don't seem to understand the consequences of such a tight focus. For example, Baylor has no established legal outreach clinic--all our student legal aid is ad hoc, because the 3Ls that normally participate in such things are in PC. And Baylor students are primarily represented by 2Ls, becasue the 3Ls who normally represent law students as Student Bar Association President, Texas Bar Representative, and American Bar Representative are all in PC. So if the upper third of our student body doesn't have the time for these pursuits, we're supposed to ask them to take more time off to sit in a fundraising booth, or make calls to alumni? If they've got a better fundraiser concept that interferes less with our studies, I'll propose it to the SBA myself.

Baylor is about hard work, and very little play. That's A-OK, and the main reason I'm here. Is one day a quarter, one day that does so much good for so many needy people, really that much to ask? I think not. Talk to your professors, let them know how you feel, and ask them to at the very least give us a chance to speak to the faculty.

Mentat

2009-09-22T03:54:00.004-05:00

It is by will alone I set my mind in motion. -Mentat mantra, Frank Herbert's Dune.

I had the strangest hallucination as I poured over an Admin Law brief a few moments ago (at 3:30 am). No, "hallucination" implies something that's not there--this definitely happened. As I read a citation-laden passage, suddenly "a thousand points of law" started shooting around in my brain. Each seemed to move independently, but I could detect the ley lines connecting them all almost imperceptibly. In that moment, everything made sense. I saw the Matrix. I was The Law. I could have successfully argued anything--that the Legislature intended we all wear flip-flops to work, or that the 1st Amendment contains a super-secret cheesemakers' clause.

Then, as quickly as it came, Law-vana vanished. I was left with only the words of the deranged Mentat I had so recently been:

"It is by will alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the juice of Saphu that thoughts acquire speeds,
that lips acquire stains, that stains become a warning.
It is by will alone I set my mind in motion."

Perhaps the coffee version is more apt tonight:

"It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is the beans of Java that thought acquire speed,
that hand acquire shakes, that shakes become a warning.
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion."

Oh well, back to work. Let's hope the final brief doesn't reek of "crazy nerd."

Baby Mama

2009-09-21T09:11:00.001-05:00

We saw this morning on the Today Show that a couple who went in for in vitro fertilization (IVF) had the wrong embryo thawed out and implanted in the wife's womb. Wowsers! Enormous lawsuit aside, doesn't this raise some eyebrows about the whole IVF process? We don't have kids and we haven't tried yet, but it seems to me that if you are having trouble with the 5th kid, as this lady was, maybe you shouldn't be at the clinic in the first place. This isn't China, and I certainly don't think we should be telling people how many kids to have. But with so many babies out there needing adoption do we really need more rich folks buying pregnancies they couldn't work out on their own? Don't forget that every trip to the IVF clinic results in not just one implantable embryo, but many. That's a lot of potential life that gets tossed out. Thoughts?

Today is Gift

2009-09-18T16:45:00.007-05:00

This NY Times article, titled "The Referendum," was sent to me by a friend today - it is a great testament to Master Oogway's quote from Kung Fu Panda:

"You are too concerned about what was and what will be. There is a saying: yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."

Quote from article: "We only get one chance at this, with no do-overs. Life is, in effect, a non-repeatable experiment with no control."

Zyrtec Is For Crazy People

2009-09-17T21:53:00.004-05:00

So Zyrtec has been running these commercials for a while that really creep me out. They're basically heartfelt soliloquies from sad lonely people to their pets and household items, in which the shut-ins blame their problems on allergies. The one below runs starts with "Dear bicycle..." and ends with "...and that's where they found me, up to my knees in pig stomachs, humming the theme from Little House on the Prairie."

I wish I could have found the cat one. Whoever Zyrtec hired to write these things thought this line would sell meds: "Dear Cat, gentle cat. Your hair mixes with pollen in the air, so I have to put you out in the garden." Seriously, that's what it says. That's not a sales pitch, that's the muttered ramblings of a lady named Mabel who used to sing back up for Gene Autry. (I really know a lady who sang back up for Gene Autry, but her name wasn't Mabel...and she was way too smart to fall for this Zyrtec bull.)

UPDATE: D found the cat commercial at some site called jezebel.com. One look at that page will tell you why I avoided it in the Google results and susequently missed finding the video.

A Point of Parliamentary Procedure

2009-09-17T09:45:00.007-05:00

All the media hype from Congressman Joe Wilson's outburst has prompted me to reevaluate the culture of our legislative body. True, his faux pas was in poor taste and form...but in the grand scheme of things, was it really that bad? When did Congress become so stuffy? As an elected representative, is it not his job to speak up as the voice of his district? And just prior to his accusatory statement, Dems had been standing, clapping, and cheering - so clearly, Congress doesn't expect members to sit quietly during a presidential speech. By reprimanding Wilson, are we setting a precedent of allowing only positive speech towards the president? Have we digressed to the 1700's age of tyranny? Granted, his outburst was rude, but how can we as a free nation legitimately say that his action (although not favorable) was inherently wrong?

I would like to see more First Amendment freedom expressed on the floor. Remove some of the pomp and circumstance/safety blanket that restricts members from expressing dissent. In the least, it might help revive Americans' interest/involvement in the process. For example, the British Parliament thrives with heated debate. It is a well attended, alive body. However, during day-to-day proceedings in Congress, members are often alone in the chamber delivering pre-written monologues rather than engaging in an actual debate.

There used to be duels and walking cane beatings in Congress over hot-button issues! I believe there is a direct correlation between the lack of passion in our leaders to the lack of passion within the American people.

Aside: While writing this post, the "Oliver Cromwell" song from Monty Python is playing in my head...coincidence?

Go to the mattresses, Congress!

Fall

2009-09-17T01:03:00.001-05:00

Fall reminds me of the East.
The crisp cool is out of place here, otherworldly and mysterious.
Fall is leaves drifted on a gothic mantlepiece,
ocher and russet reflections of the fire in a dark Philadelphia bar.
Fall is camping in Gettysburg,
woodsmoke and pipesmoke drifting and lingering like spirits.
Fall is the burning Shenandoah,
Harper's Ferry, apple picking, and Great Falls.
Fall is Boston,
Italian food and a gale on the Freedom Trail.
Fall in the East is the ebb of life,
preparation for slumber and a slowing heartbeat.
Fall here is a brief return to life,
a last trumpet of green storms driven ahead by impotent winter.
Fall reminds me of the East, and sets my thoughts wandering.

We're Going to Candy Mountain, Charlie

2009-09-16T14:26:00.001-05:00

Come hither blog readers! Jesse and I have formed a joint blog of epic proportions, titled: The Davis Firm. And I will be updating starting after now exclusively on the new blog. I am not guaranteeing that it's not a magical blog, but I'm pretty sure you won't end up losing a kidney. What more motivation do you need?

Classic:

Moving Day!

2009-09-16T12:09:00.002-05:00

Hear ye, hear ye! "Self-Infliction" heeded the words of the Great Owl and has moved its house to the lee of the stone. No, Jenner, you are not invited.

So what this really means is that D and I now have a new joint blog (http://thedavisfirm.blogspot.com/), which incorporates all your past "Self-Infliction" and "Paperless Mache Project" favorites! We've got Baylor Law Hogwarts! We've got Baby Sasquatch! We've even got D's post from just this morning, and the post you are reading right now! Trippy!

So update your readers and blogrolls, kiddies--there's a (kinda) new game in town.

Websurdity Wednesday: Perry, Okra, and Twitter Crisis

2009-09-16T10:24:00.002-05:00

As Jesse is revisiting his series (SFW) today, I too felt inspired to publish an edition of Websurity Wednesday. I am issuing the following awards today:

1. Most Inappropriate News Title: goes to NPR.com for "Open Your Mind (And Your Mouth) To Okra"
*the opening line of the article, "I have a wonderful relationship with okra, but it didn't start out that way." - gross.

2. Best Social Commentary on the Ridiculousness of Social Commentary During a Crisis Situation: goes to Lore Sjoberg for his most recent Alt Text on Wired.com
*kudos for exposing extra ridiculousness: "Two Australian girls, lost in a storm drain, recently used their cellphones to update Facebook to alert people about their predicament rather than calling emergency services. Some reports indicate they also took the time to complete a 'Which Smurf Are You Quiz,' and got the result 'Dangerously Oblivious Smurf.'"

3. Best Rick Perry Exposed Expose: goes to The Austin Statesman in a tie for "You can't confuse Rick Perry" and "Herman: Talk about boots on the ground - Rudy comes to Texas to stump for Rick"
*Confusion: "Throw a dime in a jar every time Perry says 'first and foremost' or tells you what 'the fact of the matter' is and you’ll have enough for a steak dinner before too long. But Perry’s favorite rhetorical tool of all time may be declaring that he, and the people of Texas, are not easily confused."
*Boots: "Hey, boys and girls, it's 'The Rick and Rudy Show,' the madcap antics of a GOP odd couple. One's for abortion and gay rights, the other isn't. One has a great head of hair, the other also has a head."

Enjoy!

SFW: Stout Claim, Wendy's

2009-09-16T09:24:00.002-05:00

Seems like we're due for an SFW (Scenes From Waco) installment. I've got a camera phone now, so hopefully we can keep them rolling.

At left observe Wendy's promise to satisfy all prior failings with their Boneless Buffalo Wings. At least 19 suicides in the Waco area have been attributed to this sign, most notably among married men.

i nano, or at least, i want

2009-09-11T11:27:00.001-05:00

With the return of a thin Steve Job s, Apple has debuted the new nano:

Not Just for Old Men

2009-09-10T08:57:00.001-05:00

In continuation of my apparent peanut gallery series on Drudge articles...

According to a Hitwise News and Media Category Weekly Report, the #1 search term in the US is "weather". With my degree in communications, I find it interesting how our old world culture of "talking about the weather" has transitioned into the faceless internet realm. Just as Samuel Johnson noted, "It is commonly observed, that when two Englishmen meet, their first talk is of the weather," we are still equally concerned with the ongoings of weather patterns - enough to communicate our interest out into the web abyss.

Also of worthy note on the search term report:

#8: unexplained phenomenon
#9: man slaps child
#14: chupacabra

Good to know where our national concerns and interests lie.

Fashion: H1N1 v. Sith

2009-09-04T08:26:00.001-05:00

One of the stories on Drudge today (headlined as: The H1N1 look hits Barcelona runways...), features this photo:

However, after viewing the entire gallery from the fashion show, I think we should be more concerned about the Sith invasion:

Beware: the force is strong with this one.

Snow White and the 7 X-Men?

2009-09-01T09:21:00.001-05:00

Bam! Pow! Nooooooooo! Just as Marvel has introduced most of it's big name characters in feature films (successfully, except for Hulk and Daredevil) and alluded to future Avenger films and sequels, they sell out to Disney?! For some reason, the thought of Mickey Mouse saying, "Why, hello there Wolverine" or seeing teenagers wearing Iron Man or Spiderman mascot costumes at Disney theme parks makes me want to vom. Although, Disney might see this as their ticket into the recently popular vampire phenomenon with Marvel's Blade series:

"Vampires...I'll limit myself to observing that with the increasing popularity of vampires, we're on the verge of the unicorn syndrome all over again. If it hasn't happened already, in a few months look for airbrushed posters of sad vampires in Wal-Marts everywhere, and in a decade look for female college students saying to each other 'Were you into vampires when you were nine? Me too! We were such dorks!' "

It begins. Nothing says "Magical World of Disney" better.

Terminator: The California Garage Sale

2009-08-28T15:55:00.002-05:00

The Governator strikes gold, genius, and bust simultaneously with a State garage sale:

"For the two-day event that ends Saturday, the state is selling off seized property and surplus supplies."

Among items being sold at extreme discounts: cars, motorcycles, laptops, Blackberrys, tools, desk chairs, antique pianos, cameras, surf boards, jewelry, etc.

So is this idea brilliant or lack luster? The article states that California is expecting to make $1 million in profit, which is chump change in comparison to their debts. And now they are going to be broke with nothing to show for it...

Mean Green Madness

2009-08-28T08:29:00.001-05:00

OK, I LOVE North Texas, and as a previous Eagle Ambassador I learned most all of UNT's Traditions, so you can imagine my curiosity when I received the August UNT Insider newsletter linking to a new UNT Traditions website. Upon clicking the link, I started reading about the origins of UNT's nickname, the "Mean Green":

The first two paragraphs in the Mean Green section state:

"There are many spoken origins to the name "Mean Green." The oldest written source comes from a 1967 Dallas Morning News article by Randy Galloway entitled "MEAN GREEN ON THE LOOSE! Defense Swallows Foes For NTSU."

The article features defensive players; James "steals kids' candy" Ivy, Lindy "cheats at marbles" Endsley, Joe "kicks puppies" Greene, Ret "slugs old ladies" Little, Charles "the hatchet" Beatty, Henry "tears up dolls" Holland, Bob "likes to let air out of wheel chair tires" Tucker."

Wha? Oh how this makes me love North Texas more! I wish I had sweet nickname, although ol' "cheats at marbles" seems rather less than threatening...was he the Brick Tamlin of the football team?

For Great Justice

2009-08-27T16:16:00.001-05:00

According to a recent Wired.com article (titled, China: All Your Rare-Earth Metals Belong To Us), China has become self-aware...self-aware of the value in the modern world's need for rare-earth metals. The article reference's an article from Britain's Telegraph, which states:

"Beijing is drawing up plans to prohibit or restrict exports of rare earth metals that are produced only in China and play a vital role in cutting edge technology, from hybrid cars and catalytic converters, to superconductors, and precision-guided weapons. "

Where would we be without our rare-earth metals?! Perhaps Zero Wing was more of a warning than a mishap in translation:

Destiny: LCARS on a PADD?

2009-08-25T11:41:00.001-05:00

Perhaps the recent revival of Star Trek has awakened the dormant creativity of technology geek inventors, but whatever the reason, I too am geekishly giddy about the rumored Apple Mac tablet. Although tablet pc's are not new to the increasingly popular laptop market, they have been less than desirable products. However, Apple's success in creating the iphone and itouch (essentially mini tablet) devices has opened up new possibilities for equaled success in a tablet. Especially as Verizon and AT&T are starting to sell netbook devices with internet broadband service (accessible any where). In addition, the iphone/itouch have created a market demand/society's acceptance of touch technology. A few major pluses:

1. Possibly the return of cell phones to their primary use....as a phone. As the Blackberry and iphone can be annoyingly slow/inefficient in web access and applications, a mobile tablet could resolve the processing speed and viewing issues (not to mention storage for music/photo files and battery life).

2. Say adios to Kindle. Why buy a Kindle when you can buy a new laptop (same size) with mobile internet access and a book app? I would hope for a textbook app...

I am sure there are more, but for now...ring ring....Mac Tablet?

"Cougar Town"--Worst Six Flags Area Ever

2009-08-24T16:36:00.001-05:00

I had my surgery on Thursday, so plenty on that later (no gross photos, though). But right now I think it's important that we recognize the depths to which the lowest common denominator has sunk, at least from the perspectives of television excutives.

This fall Courtney Cox stars in a new ABC sitcom entitled "Cougar Town." Leave aside for a moment the fact that the show already sounds like the kind of ill-concieved amusment park idea you might expect from Dan Halen of Squidbillies fame. Aren't we a little bit insulted that ABC would call a show about a Cougar soccer mom something for excruciatingly obvious. Why not "On the Prowl" or something? It's like they don't expect us to comprehend the concept of a show unless it's parsed out to us in an idiotic title. "Hey Joe Bob, what's that new show about?" "I don't really know, Ray Don, but it's something to do with cougars!"

Worse yet, even the show's remedial hooked-on-phonics name leaves ambiguity for some people. "Cool, a whole town run by wild cats! It's like Parks and Recreation meets Grizzly Man!" I kid you not, this is a problem. This summer at the DA's office we had a rather flamboyant defendant who walked a pair of cougars around NYC in the early 90's (before Rudy cleaned the place up). Several well-heeled attorneys asked, straight faced, if these reports meant big cats or skanky over-40 women after fresh meat. Cougar Town is the state of the union, people, and that's a scary thought. I hope the show's funny, though. Courtney Cox has really floundered after Friends.

Straight From the Bog

2009-08-11T20:13:00.002-05:00

A brief foray into the world of advertising. Ocean Spray has been running ads for a while that feature a quirky father and son team of cranberry growers. The ads are pretty funny and emphasize the fresh, "from the grower to you" flavor of Ocean Spray products. But I just noticed today the tagline which accompanies these fun little vignettes--"Straight From the Bog." Really?

Yes, I know cranberries come from a bog. They grow on little bushes, and eventually the farmer floods the bog so that the loose, ripe berries float into a collection area. But when I hear the words "Straight From the Bog," I don't think about delicious cranberries. I think of 5000 year old dead bodies, smoky Irish peat fires, feces, and the Bog of Eternal Stench from The Labyrinth. "Smell Bad!"

I mean, I get it. The tagline is funny because people make these kind of associations. But do you really want to remind potential customers that your food product comes from a swampy malarial marshland? Seems like a bad idea, yet according to Ocean Spray it's one of the best ad campaigns ever. Go figure. Maybe average folks don't know that bogs aren't just where the cranberry guys live. Read to your children!

Grounded In Dallas County Jail - No Friends or TV Privileges

2009-08-07T09:34:00.001-05:00

We've got some criminal justice-minded folks reading the blog these days, so I though ya'll might be interested in this bit o' news out of Dallas. Apparently the Dallas PD picked up a 13 year old girl for shoplifting, the girl used a fake name and DOB to identify herself as 17 years old, and she ended up spending 13 days in jail.

Certainly this is a screw up, but what else were the police supposed to do? The girl didn't have ID, she told the cops she was 17, and her parents didn't come looking for her for almost two weeks. Sure the police could have investigated further, but where else were they supposed to check? Her bar-coded ID # tattoo? It seems like the cops are going to catch a bunch of flak for something that they couldn't really prevent. If the girl was going to lie about her name and age, she was going to lie about any other evidence that could have led to the truth (address, parents names, etc.)

Health Care at 'I' Level

2009-08-06T11:07:00.001-05:00

As the health care debate becomes more politicized, it’s been instructive for me to step back from the party line, abandon the view from 30,000 feet, and zero in on a little personal experience. Many of my Facebook friends and twitter follower know that I’ll be undergoing surgery later this month for a cholesteatoma in my right ear. As JT has aptly pointed out, my particular situation presents an interesting opportunity for discussion—what if I didn’t have insurance?

The procedure to correct my problem is a mastoidectomy/tympanoplasty. This thing isn’t going to be cheap anyway, but D and I have good coverage through her job. Where would we be if we didn’t? The surgery is necessary, but not “emergency care.” So I couldn’t go to ER, which is required to treat everyone even if they can’t pay. Maybe some sort of charity clinic would see to my troubles, or some church fund. But my condition isn’t life threatening without years of neglect, and surely someone with cancer or something would take priority. No, I think we’d be stuck saving up for years, and letting my ear and hearing deteriorate until we could to afford to pay the “down payment” on hospital bills. You can go on a payment plan, of course, but without insurance you have to pay at least some of the money up front. And that’s just the hospital and anesthesiologist. Most doctors won’t even see you without full payment for the visit.

I think the final product of my musing is that everyone needs some kind of health coverage. And its not just coverage for them, it’s coverage for us. Just as mandatory auto insurance laws have reduced the cost of insurance for us responsible folks who maintain coverage, universal coverage (especially for preventative care) would bring down all our costs. On this point I should be completely clear. I still think that government has no place in the insurance business. Necessary arm’s length regulation, sure, but not a “public option” or “single payer” system. We just have too much historical experience to allow the government screw up another industry more than it already has. Obama offers up a public option as “competition” and “accountability.” Yet we know that such a heavily subsidized and bureaucratic entity will artificially lower prices (without concern for the other side of the balance sheet, since we taxpayers will be funding it) to the point that private insurers can’t keep up. It’s simply a back door to government run health care, be it today or in ten years.

So, loyal readers, what are our options for universal coverage without a public insurance agency? Mandatory coverage laws? Somehow divorcing coverage from employment?

The New Cold War – Battle of the Beefcake

2009-08-05T11:04:00.001-05:00

After yesterday's conversation, I couldn't resist posting this hilarious piece on Russian President Vladimir Putin. Perhaps many readers have seen it linked from Drudge, but the video is priceless.

Sure, Obama had his Tiger Beat worthy beach photo, but at least we don't have to watch him ride horses bare chested or swim in Tuva. I wonder if ol' Vlad had the chance to enjoy any world famous Tuvan Throat Singing, since he was already in the neighborhood oppressing folks and tightening his iron death grip on the far-flung Russian proletariat.

The Apotheosis of Obama

2009-08-04T10:46:00.001-05:00

Apotheosis is what has always scared me the most about Obama. In our system of checks and balances, even in times of one party rule the damage a single president can do is somewhat limited. We lost the election fair and square, so as president the Big O has the prefect right to propose and execute policies that might be hairbrained, doomed to fail, or even catastrophic. I was prepared for all that before the first ballot was cast, and I've (mostly) made my peace with it. But deification is what really terrifies me, what really has the potential to undermine the way we do business in the US of A.

We've always made our political figures out to be larger than life, or at least they make themselves out to be. But we generally reserve the most blatant aggrandizing of a president for after their term is up. George Washington might be the most notable exception, but by all accounts he shunned self-promotion and was beatified by others. Lincoln, too, was noted for his self deprecation. Perhaps this is part of what we loved best about these Presidents. Long story short, we've just never really gone in for the Cult of Personality in America. When one of our president reaches immortal status, he's usually already dead.

Not so for Mr. Obama, the nation's first black president, the new Lincoln, the saviour of the nation. Even as he slips in the polls and loses support for key initiatives, the depth of devotion to this president continues to grow. Shouldn't it be more concerning that a president's perceived stature is divorced from his performance or success? Shouldn't we worry that in this country, in this time, something like the "bead mosaic" above appears in front of the White House? Don't let the caption fool you. Just because Obama or his staff didn't glue this bizarre portrait together themselves doesn't mean they didn't know it was coming. You don't get to set up a 7"x10" piece of plywood in front of the White House without permission. George W. Bush caught flack for landing on an aircraft carrier in a flight suit. Yet Obama gets a Mao-esque depiction in the nations capital, and we're not supposed to care? Just a little freaky, that's all.

SFW: Blank Inside

2009-08-03T09:59:00.001-05:00

It's been a while since we've had an installment of "Scenes From Waco," but the pic at left demonstrates that Central Texas remains rife with irony. This photo depicts the greeting card section at HEB under renovation. I've always thought that "blank inside" cards had a touch of ennui to them, but this is downright melancholy. Puts me in mind of Garfield Minus Garfield.

Top Five Worst Theme Songs for Teen Abstinence

2009-07-28T12:53:00.001-05:00

1. It’s Now or Never (Elvis Presley)
2. Can’t Fight this Feeling Anymore (REO Speedwagon)
3. Girl, You’ll Be a Woman Soon (Neil Diamond)
4. Sixteen Candles (The Crests)
5. Smells Like Teen Spirit (Nirvana)
6. Honorable Mention: Anything by those lying Jonas Brothers

Can you think of more?

Another Day Older...

2009-07-24T21:31:00.002-05:00

Birthdays, being regular occurrences, are always milestones. Often they are turning points and, when we are blessed, they are celebrations. Today I enjoyed all three attributes of birthdays. Twenty years ago today, my mother and I read together from A.A. Milne's book, Now We Are Six. Well, today we are twenty-six, and we couldn't be happier.

As Diana says, twenty-five may be the quarter century mark, but twenty-six is when you start rounding up. In terms of other benchmarks, sixteen may be the year you can drive, but seventeen is the year you really start figuring it out. Twenty-one is the year you can legally drink, but twenty-two is (hopefully) the year you learn that we need not settle for Keystone. What does it mean, then, to be twenty-six? Perhaps by this time, one is married to the love of one's life, and plans to start a family sooner than later. Perhaps one has purchased their first home, and delights in adding the touches that put the own in owning. Perhaps one has spent the summer learning their profession, and finding out that justice happens each and every day. And perhaps one can pause for a moment, glace around, and see twenty-six years worth of friends and loved ones walking right alongside. Such a one would be moved by the countless blessings he has been given.

I should mention that the title of this post is a reference to the song "Sixteen Tons," and the line "another day older and deeper in debt." Not only am I older today, but with help from the government we added to our considerable indebtedness by purchasing a 2010 Toyota Corolla LE. Better mileage and safety are only two of the many benefits, but more on the car later. No you may not drive it, but you may place an offer on the '91 Escort we still own.

What else did I do today? I cleaned the garage, and D and I went to the dump. We ate Chipotle, and saw Bruno. I answered about a million facebook messages, and Diana brought home delicious cupcakes. And of course, the gifts! Observe:

Tailored for a Lawyer

2009-07-21T14:10:00.001-05:00

I recently rediscovered an old favorite time waster of mine - once only available on computer cd, now readily accessible via a series of tubes - You Don't Know Jack. One mini game, Dis or Dat "Pant Suits" made my day (as a non-law student):

¡Más vacas! ¡Está muy loco!

2009-07-21T09:02:00.001-05:00

So my mom's other gigantic barnyard pet, Pearl the Cow, had her calf last night. The madness won't end! How am I supposed to eat this much beef? Oh wait...fajitas, brisket, burgers, sausage, prime rib, sirloin, ribeye, filet...the list just goes on!

This little girl's name is Daisy. As I said on the twitter, this new addition brings the total cute food quotient at Rancho Del Davis to an astounding 8.7 kilo-kittens (using the ALF scale). Seriously, though, we had hoped at least one of the two calves would be male so we could sell or eat it. At least that was the plan, but the way my mom keeps naming these animals (and the way I keep blogging about them) they're all going to end up as pets. Very hungry, expensive pets.

Baby Peg--The Cutest Little Chunk of Veal Ever

2009-07-15T15:43:00.001-05:00

If you saw my tweet/status update yesterday, you already know that I am an unlicensed large animal veterinarian, specializing in bovine neo-natal care. Translation: Sadie the cow had a calf up in Denton two nights ago, and I had to go out in the field to give it some shots and stuff.

I thought readers might be interested in a pic of baby Peg, as we're calling her, because she is super cute and probably delicious. Yes, she is a she, you sicko...the umbilical cord just hasn't fallen off yet.

Best Peg story so far is how I got fed up with trying to stick needles into her out in the dark pasture, so I distracted mama with some feed and stole her baby. I had gotten about 100 yards toward the brightly lit barn when Peg started flailing in my arms and mooing. Mama looked up from her feed bucket like she'd been shot and promptly charged my location. Imagine a rodeo clown trying to do his thing in short and flip-flops whilst also carrying 60 pounds of veal. Unlike this fellow, I got out unscathed. BBQ invitations are in the mail.

It Begins--With RoboMonkeys

2009-07-14T11:12:00.001-05:00

It begins today. Our long, slow descent into the Terminator future commenced yesterday in Pittsburgh. Mind control monkey cyborgs? Which bozo mad scientist thought this was a good idea?! I'm not surprised that "Sky News" broke the story, given that outlet's obvious connection to the SkyNet project. Researchers claim these devices will someday help stroke victims and quadriplegics. Yeah, help them and the machines overrun civilization and turn us into Duracells. I saw The Matrix too, evil monkeybots!

UPDATE: It's worst than I could have imagined--Upcoming Military Robot Could Feed on Dead Bodies! Good God!

What Sotomayor With You?

2009-07-13T07:48:00.001-05:00

Thus far I've held my tongue on Obama's first high court nomination, primarily because I'm not as well informed on these matters as I used to be. (Go ahead, ask me about the last two appointments when you've got some time to kill) But, since her confirmation hearings start today, I think it's time I had my say.

First off, Sotomayor's certainly not the worst nomination we could have expected from the Big O. Obama knows he'll have more appointments down the line, and he's saving his big caliber liberal ammo for those showdowns. She's liberal, but she's not some kind of San-Fran nutcase. To the contrary, by all indications she's someone with principled opinions I just happen to largely disagree with. Secondly, she's not even the worst replacement for Souter that we could have expected. She's far more interesting, and less creepy. the man lives in a remote woodland cabin, for God's sake! (the linked photo is the actual Souter abode--dungeon not pictured) And again, from her opinions, it looks like she bases her decisions much more on settled law than many conservative commentators would like us to believe.

However, where there's smoke, there's fire. Unlike some of my fellow right-wingers, I don't think that Sotomayor's infamous 2001 comment about a "wise latina" making better decisions than a stodgy old white guys is an apocalyptic omen of her future decisions. Most of the soundbites take the remark out of context and thus distort her meaning. But even if she meant what her supporters seem to say she meant, that racial diversity on the bench is necessary to reach fair decisions, are we OK with that? Doesn't this raise a valid question as to whether, as one pundit put it, she'll put her "thumb on the scale" for minority litigants? I think it does, and I hope she has a good response for the Judiciary Committee today. Especially with respect to the Ricci reverse-discrimination case.

If stodgy old white guys are incapable of rendering a truly fair decision because they lack a certain flavor of experience that being a poor latina brings, our judicial system is already up a creek. Taking Sotomayor's presumed view to its logical conclusion, only judcial race quotas can ensure that our courts issue the "wise" decisions. In the year 2009, shouldn't the law be able to recognize the positions litigants find themselves in without reference to their race, or the race of the judge? Maybe not out in bayou, but certainly in federal court. Don't get me wrong, I am ecstatic about a woman, and a latina to boot, on the Court. But to place her their because she's latina, or because she's a woman is antithetical to the rule of law. Yet it seems that Sotomayor supports exactly this type of affirmative action on and off the bench. Her 2001 Berkley speech isn't exactly a dealbreaker, but it let's us know what to expect from this and future Obama nominees.

PS-In the photo above, doesn't Judge Sotomayor look kind of like a cross between Hamad Karzai and Evo Morales? Probably just that weird smock thing she's got on--its like if your grandma crocheted a gown for an Cambridge don.

Dog Days of Summer

2009-07-01T08:40:00.001-05:00

I know Jesse has talked some about our 2 dogs on his blog, but since I tend to over-introduce everyone...have you met Sandy and Rufus?

With Jesse gone this Summer and with my Summer work schedule, the dogs are starting to get a little needy. Honestly, it's more like Fatal Attraction at the Davis house lately. It started with me turning around and one or both of the dogs laying down staring at me...creepily. Then the messages at work started...

Hmm. Odd. And then they started staying out at night...in my room. Yes, this is when things get weird. No, but seriously, the dogs have always been crated during the day...they were pound puppies and always wanted to go in their crates...kind of like a "safety zone" (if you want to use fancy dancy technical terms), not unlike the Danger Zone but very unlike the Safety Dance. It's like the Godfather always said, "Leave the hats, take the airplanes." Yeah, he never said that.

Anyways, so Sandy the Dog hates the crate now. It is the saddest, most pathetic scene in the morning...and it doesn't help that she is such a submissive dog already. It started a couple of weeks ago, with her slowly, her head hanging, getting in the crate and not eating the biscuit. Like, maybe if I don't eat the biscuit, they won't make me stay in here. Then last week she started just not going in immediately. Standing in the kitchen, like "I didn't hear you, haha." Then it became laying in the kitchen, rolling over begging. Then the latter plus dead dog/limp body not moving and me having to lift her up and put her in the crate. Now it has escalated to the latter, but she goes and lays on her soft pillow bed and gives me the Bolt begging look:

Then she won't move. Not for anything. Food? No. Baby talk? No. Force? Definitely no. So, again, as I am running late for work, I have to pick her up and put her in the crate. I have had to change my phone number and the locks on the doors from all this dog stalkery. Sandy has also been jumping up on the kitchen counter...I'm pretty sure she's scouting out the knives. Yikesers.

North Korea Smash

2009-06-25T08:19:00.001-05:00

Dear North Korea,

A few key points to keep in mind as you continue to threaten the United States with total nuclear annihilation:

1. Gathering in a prearranged mass "shouting 'Let's smash!' in unison while punching clenched fists in the air" is not intimidating - it's ridiculous. I know that due to U.N. sanctions, you may not have access to the best educational resources, but the U.S. is larger than the 5 inches you see on a map.

2. "A placard showed hands crushing a missile with 'U.S.' written on it." OK, whoa. Clearly this is a lose lose situation...but if you want to try your hand (yuck yuck) at punching some armed U.S. missiles...

Also, if your fists are supposed to represent the total destruction of Godzilla, you might want to rethink your strategy...Godzilla might have been able to smash those Italians, but who didn't back in the day? Also, Nintendo is totally ahead of you with a smash product line - in fact, we may have to sanction you for copyright infringement. Muwhahaha...where's your fist now?

3. Now, if you are talking Jesse Davis smash style, then we should be quivering in fear.

4. A leader is the voice and face of the nation:

Love,
Me

Appalachia, cough, Argentina

2009-06-24T14:20:00.001-05:00

Oh how the mighty Marky Marks of Republicans have fallen...but did you have to be so stupid about it? Really? The Appalachian Trail? Your staff couldn't have said out of the country? On vacation at an undisclosed location? Who thought saying Appalachian Trail was a good cover? Seriously. Also, what up with your press conference? Way to set a sinking ship on fire.

Randomness this madness brought to mind:

Also, on the National Parks website for the Appalachian Trail, they describe it as:

The People's Path and America's First National Scenic Trail

"The body of the Trail is provided by the lands it traverses, and its soul is in the living stewardship of the volunteers and workers of the Appalachian Trail community."

-from the Appalachian Trail Management Principles and the A.T. Comprehensive Plan

Do wha? Inappropriate NPS!

Rockin' the 'raq

2009-06-12T12:56:00.001-05:00

This week Stephen Colbert, sponsored by the USO, took his show to Iraq and I agree with Matt Lauer - although, an understatement - "now, that's good television." It was an amazing show - a classy salute to the troops, great interviews with the military and Iraqi government officials, and hilarious pre-taped bits that made me fall off my seat laughing. Please find the links to the full episodes below, support the troops, and enjoy (they get better and better each day)!

Stephen Colbert's sign off on Thursday:

"I want to thank the troops here and around the world - I am rarely at a loss for words, but when I think of all you've sacrificed for your country these past six years, it really seems insufficient to say 'thank you' and really inappropriate to say 'holy sh*t.' So, I'll just say what I hope you will all be able to say soon - 'Honey, I'm coming home.'"

Monday: The Hair

Tuesday: Boot Camp

Wednesday: Tom Hanks

Thursday: Thunderbirds and the Hokie Pokie

Don't Tase Me Bro...or My Granny

2009-06-10T12:40:00.001-05:00

First of all, I highly recommend The Hangover - Jesse, Michelle, and I saw last Friday and it was hilarious. I was afraid with all the movie promotions/advertisements that the trailers would spoil the movie, but thankfully no, it was still preserved in pure gloriousness...and yes, that's probably somewhere on the scale of preservation between prehistoric ice and formaldehyde. Also, there is a stellar taser scene...which, made me laugh inappropriately when I saw this video on the Today Show this morning:

Oh, Taser memories:

Government Auto Matchmaker?

2009-06-02T13:46:00.001-05:00

Government matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match...As we enter the month of June, the government seems to be busy shotgun marrying American auto makers to foreign companies and tax payers' wallets. The WSJ.com eloquently highlights GM's recent engagement bliss in the article titled, "GM Collapses Into Government's Arms." As an unwilling investor in this matrimonial scheme, I am uneasy - seems like GM is just in it for the money...Let's hope for a quick divorce (well, let's hope for an annulment). Or should we hope for a partnership of the caliber of the Blades of Glory Fire and Ice routine?

So, is GM registering at Bed Bath and Beyond?

I'm Not a Celebrity, Make it Stop

2009-05-21T11:28:00.001-05:00

With the announcement of Rod Blagojevich's wife's participation in the ever intelligent series "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here" on the Today Show this morning, I say make it stop. She claims that she only agreed to be on the show for financial reasons (due to the struggling economy, not her husbands famed indiscretions, of course), and not because she thinks she is a celebrity. Which she is clearly not. But she also clearly likes the attention and the money. The wife apple apparently doesn't fall far from the husband tree. All I have to say is an SNL Really? You couldn't find any other form of income? You were forced into this reality series? Really?

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Leprechauns, Law, Layoffs, and Long Hours

2009-05-19T11:09:00.000-05:00

As we enter the Summer months, I will not be able to blog as often due to long hours on the job...but, every once in a while, I will Leprechaun post. Yes, I said Leprechaun post.

Defined:

Leprechaun (or any other mythical creature ; I chose Leprechauns because the YouTube videos 1 and 2; but, I probably should have gone with Vampires as they are sure to be the new airbrushed poster subjects replacing the famed unicorn) Post - (n) a blog post that contains elements of wonder and magic; also a blog post that is rarely seen - one might have to squint or look up in a tree to catch a glimpse of said post; a special rarity worthy of airbrushing or a pot of gold.

O'blog continued: In continuing with the graduation theme from my last post, this past weekend was Baylor's graduation. The local news in Waco reported on how this year is a very tough time to be graduating - according to 1 study, only 10% of graduates have been able to secure a job. This number is pretty staggering, but this morning while I was surfing the WSJ. com website, I found another disturbing article discussing the grim prospects for graduating law students. In an interview with legal consultant Peter Zeughauser, the reporter asks:

"Not a good time to be coming out of law school, is it?

It’s not. But it’s really not a good time to be a 2L. They’re going to get hit the worst, I think. "

The article also discusses the possibility of seeing "dramatically reduced offers to summer associates at the end of this summer, and dramatically reduced offers for people to come in as summers in 2010. These cuts could be very dramatic, as much as slashed by 90 percent."

Dum dum duuuuuuuum.

I Choose the Latter Option

2009-05-13T09:33:00.002-05:00

The actual performance starts at about 1:10. Ugh.

Potemkin and Circumstance

2009-05-12T09:21:00.001-05:00

"Farewell the neighing steed, and the shrill trump,
The spirit-stirring drum, the ear-piercing fife,
The Royal banner, and all quality,
Pride, Pomp, and Circumstance of glorious war!".

After Michelle's (Jesse's younger sister's) graduation this past weekend, I was reminded how Sir Elgar's march perfectly illuminates the pageantry of ceremonies - perhaps, gratuitously?

Also, with regards to Obamacare, the WSJ.com used some serious rhetorical language - perhaps gratuitously?

"This new entitlement -- like Medicare but open to all ages and all incomes -- would quickly crowd out private insurance as people gravitated to heavily subsidized policies, eventually leading to a single-payer system. So Democrats are trying to seduce diffident Republicans with a Potemkin compromise. A "soft" public option would limit enrollment only to the uninsured or those employed by small businesses, or include promises that the plan will pay market rates. As recently proposed by Chuck Schumer, it would pay claims entirely with premiums and co-pays. But if the plan can't force down reimbursement rates through brute force, and doesn't get taxpayer dollars, why bother to "compete" with private plans?

The truth is Democrats know that any policy guardrails built this year can be dismantled once the basic public option architecture is in place. The White House strategy is to dilute it just enough to win over credulous Republicans. That is what has always happened with government health programs..."

Potemkin healthcare promises or not, prepare yourselves for the congressional "Pride, Pomp, and Circumstance of glorious war!" to come.

To Boldly Go Where Six TV Series, Ten Other Movies, and 9 Million Websites Have Gone Before

2009-05-07T21:43:00.001-05:00

Split infinitives aside, if you saw the twitter and Diana's post, you know my spacebride and I saw the new Star Trek flick tonight. I went in with two preconceptions: 1) Oh holy crap are they really going to retcon (precon?) such a huge, diverse, and fully awesome franchise? 2) I am going to write a crazy review post about this badass movie. Both of these preconceptions were shattered soon after the movie started--to write anything more would be the worst kind of spoiler.

I will say this, they young actors the producers rounded up to play the tried and true TOS characters were spectacular. I worried that at some point Spock would start cutting open people's heads and stealing their Hero powers, but logic held his emotions in check. Scotty was an easy favorite, but Chris Pine as Kirk was like watching Shatner 30 years younger and more talented. I don't think Pine speaks Esperanto, however. And I like that Chekov kid, he's got moxie. The dialogue was brilliant and hilarious in mostly Trek-appropriate ways. Like the best of the ST films, this one was laughs, suspense, heavy emotional themes, and cool future space stuff all wrapped up and shipped in a crate marked "Enterprise." Plus they finally gave old Fleet Captain Christopher Pike his due. A pilot and two-part clip show are no way to treat a Starfleet hero.

The movie couldn't have come out at a better time, either. I've been watching TNG episodes on Tudou.com, the Chinese version of YouTube. After revisiting my old favs, I started watching straight through from the beginning. Eventually I got to one about, I kid you not, a gigantic area of space "utterly devoid of matter and energy." For real, 45 minutes of "Captain, there's nothing there." "Check your sensors again Mr. Data." "Captain, there's nothing there." Look it up if you don't believe me. How I stayed awake, I don't know, but someday I'll be able to tell my geeky little grandkids about how I've seen every episode of Star Trek ever, mostly via Red Chinese copyright infringers. Engage!

Los Pantelones de Pakistan Estan en Fuego

2009-05-06T10:11:00.001-05:00

"Let me be blunt," Rep. Gary Ackerman said. "Pakistan's pants are on fire."

Laughing already? Honestly, the audio is even better. Oh NPR, how you make my morning commute!

Although the Congressman's comment is a ridiculous rhetorical use of childhood name calling/taken our of context awesome, the recent events in Pakistan are extremely serious with regards to Obama's laissez-faire Middle East policy. I am not advocating that the Bush Doctrine is correct, but like it or not we are 100% involved and a new President doesn't suddenly erase the ghosts of Middle East past.

The facts are clear:

1. The Taliban is a real threat to U.S. national security
2. The Taliban advocates the suppression of women
3. The Taliban is supported by al-Qaeda
4. Pakistan is a nuclear nation
5. The Taliban has "advanced beyond their Swat valley stronghold to Buner valley, which is just 60 miles (100 km) northwest of the capital, Islamabad."
6. We fear the consequences of N. Korea and Iran obtaining nuclear weapons.
7. Please reread numbers 4 and 5.

Yes. Very serious, indeed.

Tracking the Trek

2009-05-05T09:51:00.001-05:00

Although I have never been a Trekkie, I did grow up watching The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, and Voyager with my dad. (Geek note: we also might or might not have had a Star Trek phaser remote.) I really did enjoy the series, but I have never seen a Star Trek movie - nor do I understand all the intricacies of Star Trek culture, jargon, or the Klingon language. I just find it entertaining. So, all this said, I am looking forward to seeing my first Star Trek movie in a few days:

Also, Kingons are awesome.

Swiss Chee$e, No More Holes

2009-05-04T13:44:00.001-05:00

Swiss $$ and Tax Loopholes, that is. Although my fellow conservatives may disagree (mainly on the principle of the government telling you what you can and can't do with your own money), I actually agree with Obama and applaud his effort to "shut down offshore tax havens and end provisions that U.S. companies have used to underreport overseas profits..."

Here is a link to video of Obama announcing the news from WashingtonPost.com.

Now we must wait until later this week to find out the details of these efforts and whether they will be constitutional and whatnot. Details, shmetails - right?

Sout Up!

2009-05-01T09:08:00.001-05:00

As rumors of Justice Souter retiring from the court are running rampant this morning, let's consider "What would Barney do?" The answer: Sout Up. As Bush Uno nominated Souter as a conservative shoe-in, all we can hope for is a similar, fair and equal nominee from Obama. Muwhahahaha...Justice served.

Anyways, if you are not familiar with the Suit Up reference from How I Met Your Mother, please find some educational resources below:

Chasing Narnia

2009-04-30T09:21:00.001-05:00

DISCLAIMER: this is NOT a therapy session blog post.

Do you ever feel happy? I mean, REALLY stupid, substance-free induced, happy? So happy that one may feel compelled to frolic in order to release said happiness? I know that this type of happiness might be difficult to comprehend in these times of impending doom (swine flu, economic collapse, N. Korea, Afghanistan, pirates, Obama's First 100 Days, etc.), but after watching the first 40 seconds of one of the trailers on the Simpson's Movie DVD, I can confidently say: It does exist and it is HILARIOUS.

Other local happiness locations:

1. West Fest in West, TX in a field of mushrooms - with one in glasses and with a mushrump:

2. Possibly at one of Jesse's Law prof's house - the term "Narnia" did surface while we were there for an advocacy teams dinner...

3. The original Narnia in McLean, VA at the Barringer Southern Grounds.

PS: Hans Zimmer's Spider Pig Theme is AMAZING.

Most Depressing Christmas Carols Ever

2009-04-29T15:50:00.001-05:00

Whilst neglecting my studies just now, I ran into this impressive mix of Nine Inch Nails songs performed to the tune of our favorite Christmas standards. Make sure to hang in there for "I hurt myself today, pa rum pum pum pum."

The Worst Hundred Days

2009-04-29T09:35:00.001-05:00

Mustaches, Foreheads, and Jowls - oh my! Although we may feel lost in the woods as the U.S. has definitely seen better days, we have also seen many worse. But, I wonder what milestone excuse the media will use next to talk about Obama..The Second Hundred days? The day after the First Hundred days?

A Chilling Specter: Love to See Him Go, Hate to Watch Him Leave

2009-04-28T16:55:00.001-05:00

For years Arlen Specter has been a thorn in the side of conservative Republicans. I personally know hard-core pro-lifers who even stopped supporting Bush when he raised money for Specter in 2004. Frankly, a great many Republicans are pleased to see him leave the party, as he today announced he will to run as a Democrat in the 2010 Pennsylvania Senate race. After all, he did vote essentially as a Democrat over 40% of the time. But his departure is obviously a huge blow for Republicans in Pennsylvania and nationwide.

Much has been said already about the impact Specter's jump will have in the Senate. The Democrats now have a solid filibuster proof majority. Between retirements and primary challenges, it will likely grow by a seat or two this cycle. But this is a reality we've been dealing with for weeks and months. What concerns me most is the future trend this switch signals.

After our loss in November, pundits opined that the Republicans would split in twain, probably into a fringe right-wing and a moderate mainstream party. And everyone could agree, at least, that some major reworking was in order. What Specter's switch tells me, however, is that between Obama's tent pole popularity and the tarnished Republican brand, every moderate voice could be pushed from our ranks and into the Dems' waiting arms. If you don't believe me, take a look at Texas in the 80's. As Democrats found themselves to the right of their party core and felt the winds change, they jumped ship in droves. Our current joke of a governor is one such opportunist. The personal popularity of the Republican president was a major factor in these decisions, as was the far left's refusal to find a middle ground and give their candidates some political cover.

Today, the far right of our party refuses to accept reasonable solutions to the immigration problem. They label anything short of outright exodus “amnesty.” Some in our party have carried the banner of fiscal conservatism so far to the right any combination of “government,” “spending,” or “taxes” might as well be a four letter word. We've let ourselves be defined by a few ultra-polarized issues, like abortion, and shortchanged our immense collective wisdom on a host of other issues.

Who's next out the door? Anyone to the left of Attilla the Hun? And don't think it's not a witchhunt--our Texas governor's led the charge against “not Republican enough” legislators himself. In a couple election cycles we won't be a conservative coalition, just a few of nuts clinging to our guns and religion, and yammering about succession.